job hunt, plans, reality

It's been two months since I've been out of school and I still remain jobless until now. The company that paid for my last year in college has not contacted me yet for a job they promised me last year and I'm actually starting to lose hope on that.

Well, of course my dad has his hopes still high. Actually that's his dream for me, to see me working for that television network and eventually rise into position.

Honestly, just a few months before graduation, I've started to feel a tinge of doubt in working for that network. I knew for myself that when I took up journalism, I had nothing but newspaper in mind, to chase after deadlines and pursue political stories. I guess that desire is still trying to make its way out of me.

But then, reality bites.

Just a week ago, a friend from one of my education classes called me up to tell me that there are job openings for teacher in an international school near our area. This school is in desperate need of grade school teachers such that a lot of their teachers had gone abroad (ahem), and is therefore not that strict when it comes to requirements for job applicants. Fresh graduates are most welcome to apply, as well as non-Education majors. License is not an ultimate requirement, although is an advantage.

International school, exclusive school for girls. Grade school. (Note: most schools require extra units in Elementary Education to be taken up by teachers in order to teach for grade school) With benefits. Near the Area. This is actually a good opportunity if I really want to pursue an Education-related track. The only doubt I have in me is that there is a big possibility that I might not be able to get out of teaching and venture journalism.

Then again, I'm not so sure what my dad would be saying about this.

This afternoon, Weng, Masol and I went to a job fair in hopes to get a chance with any media-related company. Although this job fair was sponsored by a newspaper, this company itself was not looking for anyone to hire. All that's left are mostly call centers and crap, everybody here will definitely kill me if I were to get that job.

Lately, I've been thinking of what fields to venture aside from politics since there isn't much opportunity for that. (reality bites. damn it) Although children and/or education is an option since it is my advocacy, there aren't any opportunities for that in this country, unless I try applying at UNESCO (kamusta naman). I could still try to be a teacher, but then I haven't talked to my family seriously about that (haha. coward me). I've also become interested in travels, most especially after Weng and I have finished our thesis which required us to go to places we've never been. I'm also thinking of that as a field, but not like the high society, places where you can have a vacation thing. I'm more interested to focus more on unknown & unappreciated places in the country, discussing its historical and cultural aspects and put emphasis on reasons why Philippines is a place to be proud of. (Wow. Studying about indigenous cultures excites me even more).

Bottomline, I'm still trying to look for some social relevance in life even if I were not directly involved with politics.

Of course, these are all my ideas, MY plans and not taking into consideration my religion and my family. I think I need another session of that career guidance thing with a christian counselor.

more medicine drinking mornings

A week ago (yeah, I know. haven't been posting lately) I went to my doctor for my long and overdue check-up. Actually, a week after I came to see her last time (which was sometime March), the cyst reappeared for the third time. To have it removed through that process I couldn't remember the name for the third time will make me resort to surgery if ever the cyst reappeared for the nth time. Given that the cause of this lump is simply stress and that I was in the midst of my thesis back then, I decided to let it stay there until I graduate.

Anyway, the good news with this visit to the doctor is that the lump has decrease its size by half a centimeter. However, because the doctor also thought of doing the process of removing as the third time, she opted not to do it anymore. Instead, if ever the size increase again, I have to come back to her. At the same time, I have to be under medication until the year ends.

Yes, I have to drink that medicine that makes me feel dehydrated easily for another six months. Just thinking about it makes me feel sicker even more. I really don't enjoy medicine-drinking morings at all.

small world syndrome

My family is getting ready for yet another youth camp of our church. We had one about a month ago, and this one is due to popular demand of another batch of missionaries. As you can see, these missionaries no longer care if the weather is too hot if they would be able to spent at least three days on the beach with our youth. Anyway...

And since the youth camp is almost free (we make it appear that it isn't but it actually almost is. haha. got you confused here), people (and by people, I mean children and teenagers) I have never seen in my life or if I did they're not so significant to have their faces registered in my brain (I'm better with photographic memory rather than memorization per se) appear in church the day before we leave. Don't get wrong, I'd like to give them the benefit of the doubt but really, the fact that the number of kids double the Sunday before the youth camp pisses me off.

Then again, maybe it's just my my love-for-the-small-world syndrome. My snob personality breaks free everytime the number of people around me increases. Damn it.

And I guess that's precisely the reason I'm writing right now. My mother has been receiving text messages of kids asking permission to join the camp. Apparently, from the usual 30 something number, we've reached around 60 people this time and my favorite people are not even coming! This includes my brother, Kuya Jonell, Millet, Helen, Nieves.

Argh! My small world is being offended. How will I survive my three days with a dozen of Canadians whose names I couldn't remember at all and a few more dozen of younger kids I don't usually talk to because I look scary to them! Kuya Jonell had been saving me from this syndrome by keeping me company (and crap, that's why a lot of missionaries had already thought we're dating which by the way is so out this world). And with my brother not around, who will save me from my syndrome?

Plans are literally running through my mind. Maybe I can bring my laptop and a few DVDs just in case I started to feel curling up again. I had all my batteries recharged for my mp3 and digital camera which will also keep me company. I've prepared a lot of papers in case I want to write. Argh! I feel so pathetic.

I won't be around for three days and if the next post is another ranting session, you'd probably know why. God help me...

high school reunion

My high school organized a grand reunion for all its alumni supposedly held today at Parkridge Clubhouse.

I was quite cynical about it, actually. For one thing, it's not as if the school had already reached its silver year of existence, most especially the high school department. If I remember it correctly, we graduated as the 6th batch from the school (and that was just like five years ago). And there's really not much to celebrate.

And then of course, there's some sort of payment here, P250 that is. For a person not yet employed by any of the capitalists institutions, the money I would be paying here would probably be from my parents. I feel like being made a consumer, taken advantage by an institution for that supposedly once-in-a-bluemoon experience of seeing your former classmates again.

Don't get me wrong. If my school needed funds, they could have at least asked for it in a more explicit manner such that I would not have felt that they made the experience a commodity and I would have readily promised at least some sort of help. Do I sound so bitter still?

Well, let's just say I have not had the best experiences in that school and if there would be a reason for me to go to that reunion, it would simply be because my friends are coming. Let me further emphasize the words. MY FRIENDS. Simply said, you meet a lot of people in high school, the real ones and the not-so-real ones. Besides, I've always been curling up as the number of people around me increases so I guess, I really have my doubts of going to that party. Come to think of it, I don't like parties at all.

Anyway, what really happened today is just a get together. Instead of going to a crappy high school reunion, we (Airah, Rica, Maui and Shamaine who is only 2 hours younger than me) headed for Eastwook City to grab dinner and talk. It was my first time to eat at Dencio's and I was actually quite conscious of the food I eat because of my allergies. Since this is a restaurant that serves alcohol, much of their meats go best with the drinks, which meant food that easily triggers my allergies. (Let me just say this, damn allergy)

Seeing and talking to these people reminds me of how nasty and nice I had been when I was younger. Yes, I had been more reserved then and the closest to me are the only ones who would hear me rant but I really rant bad. Being with them now, however, made me realized that I had been happier these past few years, that I was able to open myself up and be more honest with myself and others without actually getting myself in trouble. While I intentionally detached myself from my batchmates years back to look for a happier me, instead of actually going to a reunion pretending to be so tactful and yet dishonest to myself I guess is less worthwhile than having to realize myself for free. (ahem, ahem. I still hate payments though. haha)

another visit to UP

I went to UP yesterday to claim our graduation pictures.

And crap, how it reminds me of how we were hoarded by the photographers, corsage sellers and what else is there to sell the minute we got off the car. Even if you say no to them, they would still follow you to the door of Cine Adarna just to make you buy. It's stressful.

Anyway, I went to their booth in front of Cine Adarna and they made me look for my pictures. After going through piles of pictures, I was able to find only three out of the 11 pictures I paid.

I had to start teasing the staff there, that if they could not give me what I paid for, I will be demanding for refund. They promised to look for it this week.

It's such a waste if I came to UP just for that picture and so I paid my EDCO professor a visit, who already gave me a deadline for my paper. Not only that, she also made a few changes with the things she wants me to do in that paper. Although I did not promise her to pass before May 14, I might actually have it done by Friday.

Oh well. I'm glad it's almost over. I can now start looking for a job.

feminist

“You are in no way a feminist,” our Canadian friend told me.

Kuya Jonell asked me last night how my driving lessons went. I told him I was having problems with the clutch simply because I couldn’t very well reach it, even if I had pulled the seat closest possible. Simply said, I find myself rather too small to drive a Pajero.

Of course, Kuya Jonell and Darell found it very funny and I have nothing against it. However, Darell reacted a bit further.

“You’re going to have other problems in driving as well, because you’re a girl.”

I don’ know if it was my activist side that burst out but I realized myself talking without thinking, as if offended to what maybe an unintended comment.

“What problems? That I would not be taken seriously as driver? That girls are unusual drivers? That girls are not so aggressive on the street and that if a man damages my car, he would take advantage to put the blame on me simply because I’m a girl?”

“No. That was a joke, a guy joke.”

Well actually, it didn’t matter to me if it was a joke or not but having such a comment irritates me. But of course, I couldn’t be as harsh as I would often be against these comments thinking that this person is helping out our church in the construction of a new building.

“Careful. Feminist.” (referring to myself).

“You are in no way a feminist.”

“I am, although not the radical kind but I am.”

“Feminists are lesbian, and you’re not.”

Wow. What an observation! A Feminist = Lesbian equation is so sweeping generalization.

Whether I truly am a feminist or just in the making, I am not sure. But one thing is for certain. I’ve always hated discriminatory jokes, may it be racial, gender, or physical discrimination against a person. I do not have to take on another gender role for me to realize that there are people who look down on others because of their sexuality. All are equal and should be respected for what they are.

Don’t get me wrong. This friend of mine is not totally prejudiced. I have heard comments from him that are to be very much appreciated. I remember a time when he spent a night helping out a bunch of high school kids of missionaries in the country. He hated the idea that these missionaries (and their kids even) had been staying in the country for more than 10 years and yet knows nothing of the Filipino language, much more the culture. He saw a foreigner buying mangoes that morning. She and vendor couldn’t understand each other. Not that the vendor couldn’t understand English, but the foreigner wanted to buy a single piece of mango, something that may be possible in their country that doesn’t apply here.

He could be socially relevant, but he could be so greatly unfair as well.

“I don’t have to be a lesbian to be at some point a feminist,” were the last thoughts I said before I switched the topic back to car driving.