Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts

Sunday, May 11, 2008

small world syndrome

My family is getting ready for yet another youth camp of our church. We had one about a month ago, and this one is due to popular demand of another batch of missionaries. As you can see, these missionaries no longer care if the weather is too hot if they would be able to spent at least three days on the beach with our youth. Anyway...

And since the youth camp is almost free (we make it appear that it isn't but it actually almost is. haha. got you confused here), people (and by people, I mean children and teenagers) I have never seen in my life or if I did they're not so significant to have their faces registered in my brain (I'm better with photographic memory rather than memorization per se) appear in church the day before we leave. Don't get wrong, I'd like to give them the benefit of the doubt but really, the fact that the number of kids double the Sunday before the youth camp pisses me off.

Then again, maybe it's just my my love-for-the-small-world syndrome. My snob personality breaks free everytime the number of people around me increases. Damn it.

And I guess that's precisely the reason I'm writing right now. My mother has been receiving text messages of kids asking permission to join the camp. Apparently, from the usual 30 something number, we've reached around 60 people this time and my favorite people are not even coming! This includes my brother, Kuya Jonell, Millet, Helen, Nieves.

Argh! My small world is being offended. How will I survive my three days with a dozen of Canadians whose names I couldn't remember at all and a few more dozen of younger kids I don't usually talk to because I look scary to them! Kuya Jonell had been saving me from this syndrome by keeping me company (and crap, that's why a lot of missionaries had already thought we're dating which by the way is so out this world). And with my brother not around, who will save me from my syndrome?

Plans are literally running through my mind. Maybe I can bring my laptop and a few DVDs just in case I started to feel curling up again. I had all my batteries recharged for my mp3 and digital camera which will also keep me company. I've prepared a lot of papers in case I want to write. Argh! I feel so pathetic.

I won't be around for three days and if the next post is another ranting session, you'd probably know why. God help me...

Thursday, December 13, 2007

misadventures

Stand UP had organized yesterday a charity concert for the benefit of the families of the disappeared.

So where was I during the event? at home, staring at my laptop waiting for some miracle to happen. What that miracle is, I do not know. One thing’s for sure. I honestly can no longer tolerate being around the people involved in this Wednesday morning incident.

My friends kept telling me this was not the sort of action I would usually do to express my deepest disagreement on people. But what can I say? I can’t help feeling this way.

Melai had asked Weng where I was. Unconsciously, Weng told her that I chose not to go, despite the noble cause, vaguely describing my disappointment on a certain group. It was a sort of statement against them, she said.

Apparently, someone else overheard them. The next day, Airah came to me and told about the rumored they heard why I did not make it to the concert. In her terms, it was a sort of statement against some organization.

I honestly felt shocked hearing this from her. Obviously, I could never show how shocked I had been. I just told her I’ve been very tired about everything that has been happening to me to the point that I needed to get away and rest. I’m not sure if she took my answer seriously.

Monday, December 10, 2007

people. intolerance. and a few more stories you might be interested

Monday. CMC Carolfest. (sorry, no pictures available). A post on the people who made my day (or is that sarcastic in a sense?).

Ever since that Wednesday morning, I have become intolerant of their insensitivity and closed-mindedness. I guess one thing I've learned from them is to actually say no to everything that involves them, even if the activity or the favor that is, corresponds to a noble cause. I guess I just realized I have nothing against the ideology. It's the people that pisses me out.

Since last night, they have been asking me, or should I say pressuring me to not only attend that sort of charity concert, but attend all those late meetings (I must say, they never start meetings on time), work in the event, sell the tickets (which by the way isn't my talent at all. I even had to ask Weng to sell my cake raffle worth a peso each because I simply couldn't sell it) as well. I must say, I believe in the cause, really, but they simply tried my patience to the point that I could no longer tolerate just being with them. Although I did admit that I have no intentions of coming because of some family thing, they didn't take my no for an answer as expected. They kept saying, why not try asking permission again and probably my parents would give in eventually. crap. Am I only a mechanism here? Is there no room for respect? And since they've been treating me as nothing else but a mere physical body that is supposed to be added as a number to any form of movement, I'm really starting to sacrifice the ideology here.

And since I am feeling sort of congested in my college with them around, I decided to leave and instead man one of my organization's booth at the Palma Hall for the afternoon. And crap, when I arrived, no one was there except for a table with a recycled sign-up sheet taped on one side. wow, is this your idea of attracting applicants? I was thankful enough to see Karla and Tat arrived a few minutes after and accompanied me at the booth. And for almost three hours of getting bored by just sitting there, we were able to encourage two people to sign up - for the sake of friendship.

Anyway, that's enough ranting for the meantime. The rest of the day was interesting anyway.

A few minutes before four in the afternoon, I made my way back to my college for the Carolfest. Apparently, Karol had a class on the evening and so I had to take over. It wasn't all that bad except that because one organization didn't return the microphones properly last Friday, the next people to use it, the council that is, were not allowed to use it. In short, no microphone. And so everybody had to shout and crap, with almost a hundred people as audience. We haven't practiced our vocal chords for that purpose. Besides that, everything else went fine.

Only three organizations participated the Carolfest this year, MCO, CAST and Cineastes'. And honestly, they were all very talented. Not only were they good chorale singers, they all had the personality and the college spirit that gave last year's representative, CAST, a chance to make it to the second place.

MCO won this year, and I must say it, they were really good!

And since I have been assigned to take over the event, it has been accustomed of me to greet every participant. But since this is a group effort, I came to the leaders of the performances to congratulate them for having a well done performance.

I came up to one of the group leaders and told him how impressed I was with his team. He hugged me, said his thank you for my compliments on his group and started telling me how proud he was of his new members. Two of his singers were freshmen and if his other singers hadn't been active members of the organization this year, he wouldn't have thought of joining the Carolfest. Again, I told him they were really good and once more he said his thank you. I left to compliment the other groups.

After the Carolfest, Jam, Tin and I walked our way to the main library to buy credits for our cellphone. We were to meet Weng at the mall and we just couldn't leave without knowing where exactly she is. As the three of us were walking, I told Jam that I admired this group leader because of his impressive and exceptional leadership qualities. She must have been shocked to find out.

We met Weng, Tat and Karla at Starbucks. It has been a while since I had coffee there. A few minutes more, Gladdys accompanied us. This meeting became another ranting session as well as an avenue for sharing our thoughts and comments on life.

And did I forget, it is Weng's birthday today. She, along with four orgmates, presented an ad campaign for Ford. Hopefully, her birthday would be the group's charm to win for having the best ad campaign. Did I tell you how much effort she'd put in this, to the point that we had to delay data gathering for our thesis so that they could make it to the deadline.

She must have been tired. We were all tired for the day. And worse, our thesis is still on the rocks. We can't seem to make any sense out of our data and we won't seem to getting anywhere at all.

In denial. I think that's how it's called. In denial.

This is the last procrastination Weng and I will be doing for thesis. I need to force myself right now or at least someone has to remind me that I need to finish this thesis. Anyone interested for the job? Please apply. haha. and I mean, please...

Monday, December 3, 2007

feudalistic, you say?

I'm actually starting to have problems with the word 'feudalism'. I feel like everything has been connected and attached to it that people might not actually have the full grasp of whatever they are fighting against.

Crap.

And when does loving my dad, and showing him that i love him by being honest with him became a manifestation of the feudalistic culture?

Beyond the theories I know, it is these values and biblical principles that have equipped me with all the decisions in my life, in which, modesty aside, have not failed me. It is through these values that i have learned and become the person that i am. To take away these values from me is to throw away everything that i have learned about life in my 21 years of existence.

I will definitely not throw away the value system that had brought me up, even if people think it's illogical, even if Marx says it is but an opium of the masses.

Or maybe, I don't really care if it's feudalistic or not because it's my dad. Anyone can argue all they want of how wrong i can be but what can i say? My family, God, they all come first before i could even think of anyone else, or myself.

sori. But when we talk of my family and my religion, the hell with feudalism!!! (bwahaha. the activists will definitely kill me for this one. hahaha pero kebs :D )

Sunday, November 18, 2007

strike two. been hit. again.

For the second time. I received another personal message last week through Multiply.

It was not at all different from the one I received last October, as if it were copied and pasted. It had the same thought, only paraphrased.

It came from a not-so-easily defined person named Raven, someone from Houston, Texas.

When I thought that this scenario is over such that I have made the necessary changes when it comes to my gender preference, no more please. No more.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

I've been hit. crap.

I must have fallen in love with Multiply, I almost forgot to maintain this Blogger account.

Not until yesterday.

I was updating my multiply site as usual when I received a personal message. To my shock, it was from girl named Aimee from Millington, Tennessee. She mentioned how she ventured through my multiply site and that she liked what she saw. She was hoping if I could connect with her through a certain site, like a chat i think, and she'll be waiting for a response from me. "I think we should probably be friends, cause you seem pretty cool... you know what they say.. looks captures the eyes, but personality wins over the heart."

Hold it right there! Is this girl hitting on me? In the first place, why would any girl try to hit on me??? I don't think I've ever given any clue that I'm interested in such a relationship.

Desi unintentionally hovered over my icon in Multiply and discovered that for some reason, the gender preference that was indicated there was women.

Crap. I really mean it this time, crap. No, it was not at all intentional but ok, I have to admit, I was never a genius in websites and I'm still trying to learn. How stupid could I be to actually miss that out? Crap.

Anyway, I never bothered to respond. However, I did make the necessary changes with regard to my gender preference. Discovering that two unknown ladies have been constantly checking out my site (the other calls herself Daisy and is from Riverside, California), I'm expecting to hate Multiply for quite some time.

And no, this is definitely not funny. (kaya tat, wag ka na :D paramdam ka na friend)

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

batch interview

kung tutuusin, hindi naman talaga ako nagtataray sa mga ganitong interviews. ni hindi ko nga kayang panindigan ang ganoong klaseng pamamaraan. pero alam ko sa sarili ko na kung walang ibang gagawa, kung walang ibang maggigiit nang ganoong klaseng kahigpitan, ako na lang ang gagawa. kung sa bagay, dahil ko rin naman talaga kayang magsungit hanggang sa dulo, sa tingin ko kapani-paniwala naman akong hindi talaga ako ganon.

nakakabigla lang ang mga nangyari kagabi.

nung una pa lamang, medyo nagaalangan na kami nila weng sa mga aplikante ngayong semestre, dahil stand up sila. hindi naman sa ayaw ko sa kanila. naniniwala lang ako na kahit pareho sa prinsipyo ang dalawa, malaki pa rin ang pagkakaiba ng ujp at ng stand up lalo na kung paguusapan ang mga kaparaanan. kung papasok sila sa isang academic org, ano kayang magiging implikasyon nito?

pero sige, mahal ko ang stand up. hayaan na natin sila.

mula sa sampung aplikante, apat na lamang silang humarap sa amin para sa batch interview, at dalawa sa kanila ay stand up.

sa totoo lang, nakakatamad ang interview kagabi. tanungin mo ng preamble, hindi kabisado. tanungin mo ng constitution, ni hindi nabasa. tingnan mo ang sigsheet, kulang-kulang. tanungin mo ng prinsipyo at ideyolohiya ng org, beauty pageant answers ang binibigay. hello! aplikante kayo??? di nga???

natural lang na mainis kami di ba, pero sige, sigaw sigaw lang ng kaunti. wala namang personal na atake.

aba, pagkatapos ng lahat, nasabihan pa kami na ang mismong pagsigaw-sigaw namin sa kanila ay isa nang pagkilala san pyudal na sistema. ito ay balikwas sa aming laban sa pyudal na sistemang nananaig sa lipunan.

a, hello? mass org kami??? hindi di ba. wala naman kaming sinabing mass org kami e.

kung pyudal na sistema lang ang ating pag-uusapan, di ba sa umpisa pa lang, dapat wala nang application process dahil ito mismo ay nagpapatong ng kapangyarihan sa mga miyembro higit sa aplikante.

sori ha. academic org pa rin kasi kami, may political stands lang. hindi ibig sabihin no'n kelangan na namin bitawan ang mga natutunan namin sa peryodismo.

ayoko man sanang mainis sa pagmamahal ko na lang sa stand up, pero nakikita ko na lang ang sarili ko na lumalayo ang loob ko sa kanila.

ACLE

I must say, this is the most tiring, emotionally disturbing day in my whole life. and for the first time, i am actually feeling tired of ranting and whining.

Classes were suspended this afternoon to make way for the Alternative Classroom Learning Experience (ACLE). One of my orgs, Union of Journalists of the Philippines - UP Diliman, chose to show one of Howie Severino's documentaries titled "Huling Hala Bira" which talked about a squatters' area literally located under train rails that crosses over Pasig River. We also had the chance to actually have Howie Severino for a mini-forum after the viewing.

With Howie Severino coming, everybody seemed to be focused too much on his coming, nobody cared about the event itself.

One. The younger members had problems looking for an LCD projector saying that all the projectors in the Journalism Department are already taken and reserved for someone else. It's actually impossible, with the Department having three projectors. Weng and I couldn't take that answer. When Weng talked to Ate Raquel, we were able to get one without any effort.

And, god, projector set-up. Nobody knew how to do it.

Two. No registration sheets. Someone forgot to print one and so they had to resort to blank pink papers manually writing the details needed, which by the way will be given to the University Student Council. You're kidding me on this one, right? I went to the Department, asked if I can type and print a page for the org.

Three. Since Jam had to leave and pick up Howie at GMA, everybody was just waiting for her. The event was to start at 1pm, but it was until 1:45pm when a talk on the UP situation started. Why? Nobody felt the urge to act or at least be concerned of the people inside the room waiting for something to happen.

And so I had to ask, do we have any instructions? No. So what do we do? Wait for them? We don't know. What do we have in our program? We don't have any program. Ah, ok. That's nice.

We had to think of something. Since Jem had been planning on a UP Situation discussion, fine, have her start. Apparently she needed some visual aids when she didn't have one. We had to look for someone who had a copy of that specific powerpoint. After ten years, funny, we didn't find the one we needed but rather an older version.

Four. Token for Howie. A recycled box filled with mamon. Not that I hate mamon, or I have some issues against being thrifty, but seriously, I will never give such gifts even to student speakers. Please, a little sense of decency here. What we give him will reflect the org's name. Mamon doesn't set a good impression. Sorry.

We volunteered to buy the token as originally planned however, MJ decided that she be the one to go. We gave Howie a bottle of wine. Hapi.

So ok. The ACLE was rather good. We even had music majors as audience, which is quite interesting actually. What I didn't like about the discussion actually was that we all found Howie playing the safe take on media, that he doesn't have any advocacy since it connotes propaganda, that the audience are intelligent enough to interpret and elicit their own forms of actions, and that he didn't answer when asked of his struggles while doing the documentary (pertaining to government restrictions or a bigger issue than just a simple housing and relocation).

Five. When Howie left, everybody left. Only three of us decided to clean the room, arrange the chairs, return the projector to the Department.

I'm sorry but I have to say it but by event organizing standards, this ACLE flops.