i'm tired

Last year:

I saw myself physically exhausted.

I was living each day one step at a time. I was sleeping for two to five hours only, even on weekends just to finish my articles.

My weekly schedule was as follows:
I would work on my articles due Monday morning (10 am) on Sunday evenings. We would have a general assembly for the student council at 4 pm, which will end around six in the evening. I would write my opinion pieces due Tuesday afternoon (2:30 pm) either Monday evening or Tuesday morning since I did not have morning classes for that day. My last class ends at 5:30 pm. I would be working on the photos for our magazine project on Tuesday evening to be checked by the editorial board on Wednesday morning (8:30 am). I do not have classes on Thursdays so that is the only day I could catch up on my sleep. On Fridays, I’d start reading five to seven court cases to prepare myself for recitation in my mass media law class on Saturdays (9 am).

Aside from my academic work, I also have my extra-curricular, the student council.

I never thought I would already be asking for a vacation just after two months of school. I was tired and I needed time to rest. Thanks to the long Christmas break, I would not have lasted at all.

This year:

Classes haven’t even started but I feel so tired already.

I had my internship this summer. I could not say it was easy but it does not also mean it was a nightmare. I was actually enjoying the work, the workplace and the people. There wasn’t an everyday deadline of article; I only had to do three in depth studies instead.

But aside from the internship, I have had the worst problems with the council.

I never wanted a fight, in whatever form or situation it has to be, but situations have and will be forcing me to. I see division in front of me. I see mistakes and smell intentional disrespect for each other.

Professors and students who voted for me are expecting something. A group of political activists has put the burden to make a stand on our shoulders. Six people within the council are drawing their strength from my principles and actions.

I feel so drained.

The world is upon my shoulders but if I drop it, I will cause an even greater disturbance. And for this reason alone, I have to bear it.

However, the burden is getting heavier each day. My ability to cope up is slower than how it should be.

I am in chains and I cannot break free. No, I shouldn’t break free, not until I have been let go. But the more I spend time in chains, the more I feel closer to death, to the death of my emotions, and perhaps the death of my true self.

I will bear the burden still, not because I choose but because I need to.