surviving

After exactly two weeks in the beat, like a fish taken out of the water, I am trying to get all the necessary air I can get to live as long as possible.

I have been bombarded with press conferences last week that I am usually assured of at least one story everyday. And how I wish it would go on until I decide to resign from work but then, it's just a wish.

I am starting my week with nothing, a blank paper. I checked out the newspaper where my friend is working, only to find out she does have stories to pass and they do actually get published. And I will not withhold from her the credit she deserves. She is excelling in the beat.

I'd like to think life is unfair, that she gets stories and I don't. But then, I'm just entering my third week on the beat. Aside from her, I've only had two friends in the beat, one would be my newspaper's photographer.

I opened all my electronic inbox in hopes to find a press release to start off the day. If I could get a lead of something, I might actually have something good to write on for the afternoon. But no, all I get are messages telling me of blog entries.

I checked on the embassy websites in hopes to find something new. Aside from the transcripts of interviews one of my editors had with the Australian Trade Minister, I didn't find anything else.

I went back to my mother, feeling depressed. And when I found myself alone, I broke into tears. I didn't really understand why but now, I am admitting that this job is killing me.

But then, life goes on. I am no quitter. I do not see myself backing out in the middle of any battle. I left and headed for the beat office.

Sure, I had some ideas on what to work on but never got the courage to do it. A few minutes after two in the afternoon, the beat spokesperson texted, informing the release of Filipino seamen in Nigeria.

I was happy enough to realize that I have a story for the day. But thinking that I had started passing two stories last week, I simply do not want to slow down the momentum.

I found a press release from the vice. Although I tried making it not a press release, circumstances drove me to passing it without getting an expert's opinion.

It's still depressing to find myself passing crappy articles. Then again, I shouldn't be complaining at this stage. I was able to pass two articles. That's what's important. Getting it published will come eventually.

I will get there someday.