big changes [2]

I am going to be part of that system...sigh...

Jam texted me while we were in the middle of the Noypi program the council organized with ABS-CBN. To my surprise, she congratulated me for being one of the two GMA Network scholars.

So I was happy, sure. And I felt like I had to tell my mom personally, not even on text message. I had to wait for her class to end.

And also, this is what my dad had always wanted. Scholarship. Sure job. GMA Network. And I guess, I was able to give him what he dreamed of.

But. Why do I have this but in life?

I'm not being ungrateful or anything. But after all the realizations I've had last year, do I really want to work for that network? A network based on the capitalist system whose priority is to hit the ratings which will attract advertisers and most likely lead to lesser journalistic standards.

I promised myself that I will not compromise whatever principles I have learned just to "sell". Moreover, I actually came to a point that I do not want to be associated with such organizations.

But again, here I am, blessed yet torn.

My dad says it's good to recognize the perils of that system, but running away from it is another thing. How can anyone idealistic run away from the chance to actually change the system?

I hate myself for feeling such.

But I am thankful, seriously (And I'm not trying to convince myself here)

In the words of Sir Arao, palibasa aktibista...