suicidal tendencies

I won't give up, I keep telling myself. In reality, I'm tired, exhausted and I know I can't live this way for a whole year.

Neither can I resign from my post. It only becomes a living proof that I really am giving up, that "he" has won against me and our principles.

But I can not take it anymore.

Then again, what is the easiest and safest, most beneficial exit from the council? Maybe I should die.

If I die at this very moment, technically I did not give up. My exit will be remembered as unexpected yet still honorable. The greatest part, I had the escape I wanted. But apparently, I won't die at this very instant.

So, do I go for suicide?

Haha. I'm not that stupid, but seriously I just have to get out or else, on a philosophical level, I still let myself die.

In the end, this is more than the suicidal tendencies I may have had but a reflection of my true self, the hybrid, before this identity dies.

Maybe it is time to say goodbye. The question is, to whom?