sicker than I used to be

I had the most unusual visit to the a person I don't usually go to, the doctor. Apparently, a sort of lump was found somewhere near my throat that I looked like a transvestite for having Adam's apple. I didn't think it was anything to be concerned at all, since lymph nodes appear almost anywhere and they eventually disappear. However, prior to this lump, bruises have also started to appear in different parts of my body for reasons I am never sure.

(disclaimer: medical conditions ahead. not advised for the imaginative and sensitive, or at even people who worries too much)

Anyway, my mom brought me to an ENT doctor and well, the doctor said she needed to do a biopsy of the lump. It doesn't look like a lymph node, being twice as big as a normal lymph node. At the same time, the biopsy will determine if the lump is benign or malignant. (crap, no more scientific terms. hate this...)

I must admit, I really like the doctor but I definitely do not like whatever she did to me. Although again, I have to admit I never really liked going to the doctor or studying biology that is. I guess I really don't like to know if there is something wrong with me, much more if we talk of needles and injections. It's a sort of psychological torture for me.

Anyway, she struck a syringe right through that lump and sucked all of its content. But since it's quite big, she had pushed the needle further that I somehow felt it even came through the walls of my throat. I felt like air was being taken away from me, and for almost half a minute, I knew I was being tortured.

By the looks of the contents of that lump, the doctor was almost sure it was a cyst. It wasn't a lymph node because it was definitely attached to the thyroid gland, although not dangerous enough to be cancerous. She thinks it must have been a sort of hormonal imbalance and quite related to the iodine production of the gland. She took a few blood sample to back up her hypothesis.

Now, I feel sicker than before, physically and psychologically. Taking in any form of medicine makes me think I'm really sick. At the same time, the needle thrusted into my throat must have been wounded that it hurts every time I eat, drink or even by simply breathing.

But I have to stress here, the results of the biopsy has not yet been out so I'm not yet officially sick but damn it, I hate this.