A friend greeted me through Yahoo! Messenger (YM) tonight.
She asked me how I was and how my vacation had started. I told her how happy I am to be away from the people that had brought nothing but disappointment these past few days. It's not that that response was anything sarcastic or full of bitterness. I just felt the need to be away from all my troubles and think about things that would probably make me happy, like the street children’s Christmas party to happen this Saturday.
As she expressed how she no longer cares what they think about her, I told her the same thing. I told her how an old friend, part also of the group that was involved in that Wednesday morning incident, came to me to apologize for everything that has happened. Despite this, I told her that damage has been done and I can’t force myself to act as if nothing has happened. However, I assured her that I will try my best to be as casual and as friendly as I had been with them given that I get to stay away from them this vacation.
She commented on how detached and cold I could be. The one that has led the Wednesday morning incident even noticed how nowadays I would no longer greet him as fondly as I would and tell him stories of life. It seems that even he has noticed the changes happened between us and has made some sort of expression of sadness as I started to disregard even him.
I told her I felt touched to hear that, to know that even the manifestations of my nothingness and idleness had actually been appreciated by him especially when all I see based on how they had always treated me is a mere body necessary for collective action, nothing but a mechanism for what seemed to be called an ideology.
But it’s too late for that now.
If there was one thing this Wednesday morning incident has taught me, I learned to be as heartless as my mind would want to be. The damage control had been too late. The attempt not to inhibit pain had not succeeded.
Friday, December 21, 2007
"Soul mates"
Monday. I was wearing a red shirt, brown khaki pants and blue slippers for school. I arrived a few minutes after one in the afternoon to meet with Weng to talk about our thesis. After two hours of slight planning, we stopped by the booth where the council was staying to raise funds for the outreach we were doing with the two Communication Research organizations.
Karol was alone in the booth. We were making our greetings when someone announced that the Neo-Angono Artists’ mural had arrived in the college. This mural had been tagged as subversive because of its detailed and direct criticism of the Arroyo administration.
Jam, Weng, Karol and I decided to check out this mural at the Film Lobby. As Karol stood out of the booth, Jam started to laugh. Karol was wearing a red shirt, brown khaki pants and blue slippers. Soul mates, they kept telling us.
Wednesday. Since this is also the last day of classes for the year, Karol gave out his gift to the council members, a bar of Toblerone chocolate.
Let me stress. Karol gave everyone a bar of chocolate. My friends seem to miss that part out and instead made a romantic joke out of our partnership in the council. As they say, it was a perfect love-hate, professional-turned-romantic relationship. No way.
After the lantern parade, we stayed somewhere at the Sunken Garden to eat dinner. When Masol and I decided to go home, Jam, Weng and Gladdys were imagining that we would bump into Karol on our way and he’d invite us to ride in his car given that we were using the same route going home.
As we were walking, a man greeted us from afar. It was Karol.
Karol was alone in the booth. We were making our greetings when someone announced that the Neo-Angono Artists’ mural had arrived in the college. This mural had been tagged as subversive because of its detailed and direct criticism of the Arroyo administration.
Jam, Weng, Karol and I decided to check out this mural at the Film Lobby. As Karol stood out of the booth, Jam started to laugh. Karol was wearing a red shirt, brown khaki pants and blue slippers. Soul mates, they kept telling us.
Wednesday. Since this is also the last day of classes for the year, Karol gave out his gift to the council members, a bar of Toblerone chocolate.
Let me stress. Karol gave everyone a bar of chocolate. My friends seem to miss that part out and instead made a romantic joke out of our partnership in the council. As they say, it was a perfect love-hate, professional-turned-romantic relationship. No way.
After the lantern parade, we stayed somewhere at the Sunken Garden to eat dinner. When Masol and I decided to go home, Jam, Weng and Gladdys were imagining that we would bump into Karol on our way and he’d invite us to ride in his car given that we were using the same route going home.
As we were walking, a man greeted us from afar. It was Karol.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
i needed to hear that
I’m not sure if people had ever noticed the extent of damage the Wednesday morning incident had brought upon me but one thing is for sure, I was at the point of giving up my affiliation not because I do not believe in the principles but because of the attitudes of the people within that group.
Thursday afternoon. I was with Jam and Weng drinking coffee at Starbucks. An old activist friend texted me, hoping if we could get together and have a talk. We settled to meet at 12:30 in the afternoon.
What should be a 12:30 pm meeting became a 4:30 pm gathering. If we had not met at the lobby by chance, the talk would have come a bit later.
He asked how I was, how my thesis had been going, how the council had been doing and all those other concerns in life. I asked him how his academics and relationships were. It was basically a small chit-chat.
Afterwards, he asked me how I was after that Wednesday morning incident. Not that I was pretty shocked that he knew about this, but I didn’t really want him involved, being the good friends that we were.
I told him what happened in detailed; how the ‘conversation’ went, what my responses were, how I told my dad about this incident and what his reactions were, what these people answered when I told them my decision and how they treated me badly afterwards.
He apologized for not being there amidst all these. He explained how wrong they had been about me. If he had the same plans for me with regard to the movement, he would have told me himself but he chose not to because he knew what kind of person I was and he respects that. In his words, it was stupid to ever refer my relationship with my father as feudal, as if they got no parents they care about, as if they knew not to respect others. They had been reprimanded for doing such.
He told me things had changed after I told them my decision, that they had truly treated me badly. He apologized for the turn out.
He apologized that I was told not to tell my parents about the incident. It was so wrong not to take what my parents would have thought about this.
He apologized for having referred a very good friend of mine to having problems in terms of ideology. In his point of view, how dare they judge her to the extent of accusing her with such. It was so wrong to say such things. Moreover, it was wrong to tell me that, someone who had been brought to the movement by her.
He expressed his hope that everything would end at that moment, as if nothing had happened. He assured me that the incident would not be spreading to other people. He also wished that we would all act as if nothing has happened.
I told him how pressured and disappointed I had been with them. Although I appreciate the apology, I cannot assure that I can act as if nothing has happened. Maybe in time, I will but this cannot be expected of me in the next few days.
I actually felt better hearing this. I know for myself I do not need to hear that I was right and they were wrong. I just wanted to be recognized of my viewpoints, and be treated with respect for that even if they disagree.
Maybe the misadventure had some good effect after all. So what if this was a sort of damage control? I was thankful enough that God had made me feel better now more than ever.
Thursday afternoon. I was with Jam and Weng drinking coffee at Starbucks. An old activist friend texted me, hoping if we could get together and have a talk. We settled to meet at 12:30 in the afternoon.
What should be a 12:30 pm meeting became a 4:30 pm gathering. If we had not met at the lobby by chance, the talk would have come a bit later.
He asked how I was, how my thesis had been going, how the council had been doing and all those other concerns in life. I asked him how his academics and relationships were. It was basically a small chit-chat.
Afterwards, he asked me how I was after that Wednesday morning incident. Not that I was pretty shocked that he knew about this, but I didn’t really want him involved, being the good friends that we were.
I told him what happened in detailed; how the ‘conversation’ went, what my responses were, how I told my dad about this incident and what his reactions were, what these people answered when I told them my decision and how they treated me badly afterwards.
He apologized for not being there amidst all these. He explained how wrong they had been about me. If he had the same plans for me with regard to the movement, he would have told me himself but he chose not to because he knew what kind of person I was and he respects that. In his words, it was stupid to ever refer my relationship with my father as feudal, as if they got no parents they care about, as if they knew not to respect others. They had been reprimanded for doing such.
He told me things had changed after I told them my decision, that they had truly treated me badly. He apologized for the turn out.
He apologized that I was told not to tell my parents about the incident. It was so wrong not to take what my parents would have thought about this.
He apologized for having referred a very good friend of mine to having problems in terms of ideology. In his point of view, how dare they judge her to the extent of accusing her with such. It was so wrong to say such things. Moreover, it was wrong to tell me that, someone who had been brought to the movement by her.
He expressed his hope that everything would end at that moment, as if nothing had happened. He assured me that the incident would not be spreading to other people. He also wished that we would all act as if nothing has happened.
I told him how pressured and disappointed I had been with them. Although I appreciate the apology, I cannot assure that I can act as if nothing has happened. Maybe in time, I will but this cannot be expected of me in the next few days.
I actually felt better hearing this. I know for myself I do not need to hear that I was right and they were wrong. I just wanted to be recognized of my viewpoints, and be treated with respect for that even if they disagree.
Maybe the misadventure had some good effect after all. So what if this was a sort of damage control? I was thankful enough that God had made me feel better now more than ever.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
misadventures
Stand UP had organized yesterday a charity concert for the benefit of the families of the disappeared.
So where was I during the event? at home, staring at my laptop waiting for some miracle to happen. What that miracle is, I do not know. One thing’s for sure. I honestly can no longer tolerate being around the people involved in this Wednesday morning incident.
My friends kept telling me this was not the sort of action I would usually do to express my deepest disagreement on people. But what can I say? I can’t help feeling this way.
Melai had asked Weng where I was. Unconsciously, Weng told her that I chose not to go, despite the noble cause, vaguely describing my disappointment on a certain group. It was a sort of statement against them, she said.
Apparently, someone else overheard them. The next day, Airah came to me and told about the rumored they heard why I did not make it to the concert. In her terms, it was a sort of statement against some organization.
I honestly felt shocked hearing this from her. Obviously, I could never show how shocked I had been. I just told her I’ve been very tired about everything that has been happening to me to the point that I needed to get away and rest. I’m not sure if she took my answer seriously.
So where was I during the event? at home, staring at my laptop waiting for some miracle to happen. What that miracle is, I do not know. One thing’s for sure. I honestly can no longer tolerate being around the people involved in this Wednesday morning incident.
My friends kept telling me this was not the sort of action I would usually do to express my deepest disagreement on people. But what can I say? I can’t help feeling this way.
Melai had asked Weng where I was. Unconsciously, Weng told her that I chose not to go, despite the noble cause, vaguely describing my disappointment on a certain group. It was a sort of statement against them, she said.
Apparently, someone else overheard them. The next day, Airah came to me and told about the rumored they heard why I did not make it to the concert. In her terms, it was a sort of statement against some organization.
I honestly felt shocked hearing this from her. Obviously, I could never show how shocked I had been. I just told her I’ve been very tired about everything that has been happening to me to the point that I needed to get away and rest. I’m not sure if she took my answer seriously.
Monday, December 10, 2007
people. intolerance. and a few more stories you might be interested
Monday. CMC Carolfest. (sorry, no pictures available). A post on the people who made my day (or is that sarcastic in a sense?).
Ever since that Wednesday morning, I have become intolerant of their insensitivity and closed-mindedness. I guess one thing I've learned from them is to actually say no to everything that involves them, even if the activity or the favor that is, corresponds to a noble cause. I guess I just realized I have nothing against the ideology. It's the people that pisses me out.
Since last night, they have been asking me, or should I say pressuring me to not only attend that sort of charity concert, but attend all those late meetings (I must say, they never start meetings on time), work in the event, sell the tickets (which by the way isn't my talent at all. I even had to ask Weng to sell my cake raffle worth a peso each because I simply couldn't sell it) as well. I must say, I believe in the cause, really, but they simply tried my patience to the point that I could no longer tolerate just being with them. Although I did admit that I have no intentions of coming because of some family thing, they didn't take my no for an answer as expected. They kept saying, why not try asking permission again and probably my parents would give in eventually. crap. Am I only a mechanism here? Is there no room for respect? And since they've been treating me as nothing else but a mere physical body that is supposed to be added as a number to any form of movement, I'm really starting to sacrifice the ideology here.
And since I am feeling sort of congested in my college with them around, I decided to leave and instead man one of my organization's booth at the Palma Hall for the afternoon. And crap, when I arrived, no one was there except for a table with a recycled sign-up sheet taped on one side. wow, is this your idea of attracting applicants? I was thankful enough to see Karla and Tat arrived a few minutes after and accompanied me at the booth. And for almost three hours of getting bored by just sitting there, we were able to encourage two people to sign up - for the sake of friendship.
Anyway, that's enough ranting for the meantime. The rest of the day was interesting anyway.
A few minutes before four in the afternoon, I made my way back to my college for the Carolfest. Apparently, Karol had a class on the evening and so I had to take over. It wasn't all that bad except that because one organization didn't return the microphones properly last Friday, the next people to use it, the council that is, were not allowed to use it. In short, no microphone. And so everybody had to shout and crap, with almost a hundred people as audience. We haven't practiced our vocal chords for that purpose. Besides that, everything else went fine.
Only three organizations participated the Carolfest this year, MCO, CAST and Cineastes'. And honestly, they were all very talented. Not only were they good chorale singers, they all had the personality and the college spirit that gave last year's representative, CAST, a chance to make it to the second place.
MCO won this year, and I must say it, they were really good!
And since I have been assigned to take over the event, it has been accustomed of me to greet every participant. But since this is a group effort, I came to the leaders of the performances to congratulate them for having a well done performance.
I came up to one of the group leaders and told him how impressed I was with his team. He hugged me, said his thank you for my compliments on his group and started telling me how proud he was of his new members. Two of his singers were freshmen and if his other singers hadn't been active members of the organization this year, he wouldn't have thought of joining the Carolfest. Again, I told him they were really good and once more he said his thank you. I left to compliment the other groups.
After the Carolfest, Jam, Tin and I walked our way to the main library to buy credits for our cellphone. We were to meet Weng at the mall and we just couldn't leave without knowing where exactly she is. As the three of us were walking, I told Jam that I admired this group leader because of his impressive and exceptional leadership qualities. She must have been shocked to find out.
We met Weng, Tat and Karla at Starbucks. It has been a while since I had coffee there. A few minutes more, Gladdys accompanied us. This meeting became another ranting session as well as an avenue for sharing our thoughts and comments on life.
And did I forget, it is Weng's birthday today. She, along with four orgmates, presented an ad campaign for Ford. Hopefully, her birthday would be the group's charm to win for having the best ad campaign. Did I tell you how much effort she'd put in this, to the point that we had to delay data gathering for our thesis so that they could make it to the deadline.
She must have been tired. We were all tired for the day. And worse, our thesis is still on the rocks. We can't seem to make any sense out of our data and we won't seem to getting anywhere at all.
In denial. I think that's how it's called. In denial.
This is the last procrastination Weng and I will be doing for thesis. I need to force myself right now or at least someone has to remind me that I need to finish this thesis. Anyone interested for the job? Please apply. haha. and I mean, please...
Ever since that Wednesday morning, I have become intolerant of their insensitivity and closed-mindedness. I guess one thing I've learned from them is to actually say no to everything that involves them, even if the activity or the favor that is, corresponds to a noble cause. I guess I just realized I have nothing against the ideology. It's the people that pisses me out.
Since last night, they have been asking me, or should I say pressuring me to not only attend that sort of charity concert, but attend all those late meetings (I must say, they never start meetings on time), work in the event, sell the tickets (which by the way isn't my talent at all. I even had to ask Weng to sell my cake raffle worth a peso each because I simply couldn't sell it) as well. I must say, I believe in the cause, really, but they simply tried my patience to the point that I could no longer tolerate just being with them. Although I did admit that I have no intentions of coming because of some family thing, they didn't take my no for an answer as expected. They kept saying, why not try asking permission again and probably my parents would give in eventually. crap. Am I only a mechanism here? Is there no room for respect? And since they've been treating me as nothing else but a mere physical body that is supposed to be added as a number to any form of movement, I'm really starting to sacrifice the ideology here.
And since I am feeling sort of congested in my college with them around, I decided to leave and instead man one of my organization's booth at the Palma Hall for the afternoon. And crap, when I arrived, no one was there except for a table with a recycled sign-up sheet taped on one side. wow, is this your idea of attracting applicants? I was thankful enough to see Karla and Tat arrived a few minutes after and accompanied me at the booth. And for almost three hours of getting bored by just sitting there, we were able to encourage two people to sign up - for the sake of friendship.
Anyway, that's enough ranting for the meantime. The rest of the day was interesting anyway.
A few minutes before four in the afternoon, I made my way back to my college for the Carolfest. Apparently, Karol had a class on the evening and so I had to take over. It wasn't all that bad except that because one organization didn't return the microphones properly last Friday, the next people to use it, the council that is, were not allowed to use it. In short, no microphone. And so everybody had to shout and crap, with almost a hundred people as audience. We haven't practiced our vocal chords for that purpose. Besides that, everything else went fine.
Only three organizations participated the Carolfest this year, MCO, CAST and Cineastes'. And honestly, they were all very talented. Not only were they good chorale singers, they all had the personality and the college spirit that gave last year's representative, CAST, a chance to make it to the second place.
MCO won this year, and I must say it, they were really good!
And since I have been assigned to take over the event, it has been accustomed of me to greet every participant. But since this is a group effort, I came to the leaders of the performances to congratulate them for having a well done performance.
I came up to one of the group leaders and told him how impressed I was with his team. He hugged me, said his thank you for my compliments on his group and started telling me how proud he was of his new members. Two of his singers were freshmen and if his other singers hadn't been active members of the organization this year, he wouldn't have thought of joining the Carolfest. Again, I told him they were really good and once more he said his thank you. I left to compliment the other groups.
After the Carolfest, Jam, Tin and I walked our way to the main library to buy credits for our cellphone. We were to meet Weng at the mall and we just couldn't leave without knowing where exactly she is. As the three of us were walking, I told Jam that I admired this group leader because of his impressive and exceptional leadership qualities. She must have been shocked to find out.
We met Weng, Tat and Karla at Starbucks. It has been a while since I had coffee there. A few minutes more, Gladdys accompanied us. This meeting became another ranting session as well as an avenue for sharing our thoughts and comments on life.
And did I forget, it is Weng's birthday today. She, along with four orgmates, presented an ad campaign for Ford. Hopefully, her birthday would be the group's charm to win for having the best ad campaign. Did I tell you how much effort she'd put in this, to the point that we had to delay data gathering for our thesis so that they could make it to the deadline.
She must have been tired. We were all tired for the day. And worse, our thesis is still on the rocks. We can't seem to make any sense out of our data and we won't seem to getting anywhere at all.
In denial. I think that's how it's called. In denial.
This is the last procrastination Weng and I will be doing for thesis. I need to force myself right now or at least someone has to remind me that I need to finish this thesis. Anyone interested for the job? Please apply. haha. and I mean, please...
Monday, December 3, 2007
feudalistic, you say?
I'm actually starting to have problems with the word 'feudalism'. I feel like everything has been connected and attached to it that people might not actually have the full grasp of whatever they are fighting against.
Crap.
And when does loving my dad, and showing him that i love him by being honest with him became a manifestation of the feudalistic culture?
Beyond the theories I know, it is these values and biblical principles that have equipped me with all the decisions in my life, in which, modesty aside, have not failed me. It is through these values that i have learned and become the person that i am. To take away these values from me is to throw away everything that i have learned about life in my 21 years of existence.
I will definitely not throw away the value system that had brought me up, even if people think it's illogical, even if Marx says it is but an opium of the masses.
Or maybe, I don't really care if it's feudalistic or not because it's my dad. Anyone can argue all they want of how wrong i can be but what can i say? My family, God, they all come first before i could even think of anyone else, or myself.
sori. But when we talk of my family and my religion, the hell with feudalism!!! (bwahaha. the activists will definitely kill me for this one. hahaha pero kebs :D )
Crap.
And when does loving my dad, and showing him that i love him by being honest with him became a manifestation of the feudalistic culture?
Beyond the theories I know, it is these values and biblical principles that have equipped me with all the decisions in my life, in which, modesty aside, have not failed me. It is through these values that i have learned and become the person that i am. To take away these values from me is to throw away everything that i have learned about life in my 21 years of existence.
I will definitely not throw away the value system that had brought me up, even if people think it's illogical, even if Marx says it is but an opium of the masses.
Or maybe, I don't really care if it's feudalistic or not because it's my dad. Anyone can argue all they want of how wrong i can be but what can i say? My family, God, they all come first before i could even think of anyone else, or myself.
sori. But when we talk of my family and my religion, the hell with feudalism!!! (bwahaha. the activists will definitely kill me for this one. hahaha pero kebs :D )
Thursday, November 29, 2007
just asking
problem:
they say there are two things a man gives to show how important a girl is to him, time and money. these are two investments that needs to be watched out (according to ate mai).
question:
what if a man gives you time and another spends money for you, which one would you choose?
conclusion:
the one who gives time. money can be earned again. time lost can never be retrieved.
recommendation:
never watch a love story and then do a sort of realization.
disclaimer:
sorry. just seen One More Chance. however, question does not apply. hehe.
they say there are two things a man gives to show how important a girl is to him, time and money. these are two investments that needs to be watched out (according to ate mai).
question:
what if a man gives you time and another spends money for you, which one would you choose?
conclusion:
the one who gives time. money can be earned again. time lost can never be retrieved.
recommendation:
never watch a love story and then do a sort of realization.
disclaimer:
sorry. just seen One More Chance. however, question does not apply. hehe.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
car accident
Mga alas-otso na ng gabi. Katext ko ang aking nanay at inaayos kung saan nila ako dadaanan pauwi. Gamit ang Starex, inihatid muna nila ang mga batang nanggaling sa bahay. Nanatili lamang ako sa may labasan ng aming subdibisyon.
Malapit na raw sila, text ng nanay ko. Siya namang paglingon ko sa Ortigas Ave, nakita ako ang aming Starex halos paliko na papasok sa ng subdibisyon.
Maluwag ang kalsada at halos wala nang mga sasakyan. Mula sa isang maikling pagtigil, idiniretso na ng Starex upang tumawid nang may biglang rumagasang Liteace at sumalpok sa harapan ng Starex. Sinubukan pa ng Starex na umurong palikod upang iwasan ang banggaang nangyari ngunit tinamaan pa rin ito.
Malakas ang tunog ng bangga. Basag ang headlights ng Liteace.
Nang makita ko ang pangyayari, agaran akong tumakbo papalapit sa sasakyan namin. Mga ilang segundo kong naramdaman ang panlalamig at kaba. Bumaba ang tatay ko mula sa Starex. Sinalubong siya ng apat na naglalakihang lalaki mula sa Liteace, ang isa namumula ang mata na parang lasing. Lahat ay mukhang galit sa pangyayari. Bumuhos ang ulan.
Pumasok sa isip ko ang ilan pang ganitong mga pangyayari, kung minsan pa nga'y umaabot sa sakitan. Naalala ko rin ang minsan kong nakitang pagtangkaan ang buhay ng tatay ko ng isang lasing na pulis.
Mabilis na ang takbo ng isip ko. Habang nag-aaway pa sila, inilabas ko ang aking cellphone at kumuha ng litrato mula sa kantong kinatatayuan ko. Tinandaan ko rin ang plate no. ng Liteace. Nakahanda ako sa kahit ano mang mangyayari.
"Si pastor ba iyon?", wika ng isa sa dalawang batang nasa tabi ko.
"Oo, tatay ko iyon." Tumingin sa akin si Jordan, isa sa dalawang bata at nakatira sa likod ng simbahan. Maya-maya ay tumakbo na pabalik sa simbahan ang dalawang bata. Ilang sandali dumating na sina Kuya Jonell.
Mukhang nagkaayos na ng mga may ari ng dalawang sasakyan at mukhang nagpipirmahan ng mga impormasyon ukol sa sarili.
Itinabi na ng tatay ko ang Starex papasok ng subdibisyon at saka nakipag-usap muli sa mga may ari ng Liteace. Lumabas na mula sa sasakyan ang aking nanay at tiningnan ang sira ng Starex. Bumper ang nawasak.
"Inako ni papa."
"Ha? Bakit?"
"Si papa naman ang may mali e. Siya ang tumatawid."
"Hindi ako driver pero mula sa nakita ko, sila ang mali. Ang bilis-bilis nila tapos ang luwag ng kalye."
"Mabilis din naman si papa a."
Bumalik ang tatay ko sa sasakyan. Gusto daw nilang sumama hanggang sa bahay para makasiguradong ipapaayos ng tatay ko ang Liteace. Dinala namin sila sa simbahan. Sandaling binuksan ng pinto ng Starex, tinitiggan kami ng nanay ko ng dalawa sa apat na mga lalaki.
Umalis na ang Liteace. Magkikita daw sila ng tatay ko alas-siyete ng umaga kinabukasan.
Lumapit si Kuya Jonell, "Lasing yung mga lalaki e."
Pagpasok ng tatay ko sa sasakyan para umuwi na, hindi ko napigilang itanong bakit niya inako.
"Militar silang lahat."
Naintindihan ko na. Kahit alam kong nasa tama ang tatay ko, hindi ko maiwasang mainis. Nasaan ang sense of justice sa bansang ito?
Huli kong balita, dinala na ng tatay ko ang Liteace upang ipaayos. Sinimulan nang gawin ang mga sira mula sa pagkakabangga. Humirit ang mga militar na may pupuntahan daw silang napakaimportanteng pagtitipon kaya kung maari ay ipaayos na rin ang ilan pang bagay sa Liteace. Hindi pa rin umangal ang tatay ko.
Pinipilit kong huwag ayawan ng tuluyan ang mga militar sa personal na dahilan pero hindi ko talaga magawa. Napakapulpol ng sistema, napakapulpol ng mga taong ito. Nakakainis.
Malapit na raw sila, text ng nanay ko. Siya namang paglingon ko sa Ortigas Ave, nakita ako ang aming Starex halos paliko na papasok sa ng subdibisyon.
Maluwag ang kalsada at halos wala nang mga sasakyan. Mula sa isang maikling pagtigil, idiniretso na ng Starex upang tumawid nang may biglang rumagasang Liteace at sumalpok sa harapan ng Starex. Sinubukan pa ng Starex na umurong palikod upang iwasan ang banggaang nangyari ngunit tinamaan pa rin ito.
Malakas ang tunog ng bangga. Basag ang headlights ng Liteace.
Nang makita ko ang pangyayari, agaran akong tumakbo papalapit sa sasakyan namin. Mga ilang segundo kong naramdaman ang panlalamig at kaba. Bumaba ang tatay ko mula sa Starex. Sinalubong siya ng apat na naglalakihang lalaki mula sa Liteace, ang isa namumula ang mata na parang lasing. Lahat ay mukhang galit sa pangyayari. Bumuhos ang ulan.
Pumasok sa isip ko ang ilan pang ganitong mga pangyayari, kung minsan pa nga'y umaabot sa sakitan. Naalala ko rin ang minsan kong nakitang pagtangkaan ang buhay ng tatay ko ng isang lasing na pulis.
Mabilis na ang takbo ng isip ko. Habang nag-aaway pa sila, inilabas ko ang aking cellphone at kumuha ng litrato mula sa kantong kinatatayuan ko. Tinandaan ko rin ang plate no. ng Liteace. Nakahanda ako sa kahit ano mang mangyayari.
"Si pastor ba iyon?", wika ng isa sa dalawang batang nasa tabi ko.
"Oo, tatay ko iyon." Tumingin sa akin si Jordan, isa sa dalawang bata at nakatira sa likod ng simbahan. Maya-maya ay tumakbo na pabalik sa simbahan ang dalawang bata. Ilang sandali dumating na sina Kuya Jonell.
Mukhang nagkaayos na ng mga may ari ng dalawang sasakyan at mukhang nagpipirmahan ng mga impormasyon ukol sa sarili.
Itinabi na ng tatay ko ang Starex papasok ng subdibisyon at saka nakipag-usap muli sa mga may ari ng Liteace. Lumabas na mula sa sasakyan ang aking nanay at tiningnan ang sira ng Starex. Bumper ang nawasak.
"Inako ni papa."
"Ha? Bakit?"
"Si papa naman ang may mali e. Siya ang tumatawid."
"Hindi ako driver pero mula sa nakita ko, sila ang mali. Ang bilis-bilis nila tapos ang luwag ng kalye."
"Mabilis din naman si papa a."
Bumalik ang tatay ko sa sasakyan. Gusto daw nilang sumama hanggang sa bahay para makasiguradong ipapaayos ng tatay ko ang Liteace. Dinala namin sila sa simbahan. Sandaling binuksan ng pinto ng Starex, tinitiggan kami ng nanay ko ng dalawa sa apat na mga lalaki.
Umalis na ang Liteace. Magkikita daw sila ng tatay ko alas-siyete ng umaga kinabukasan.
Lumapit si Kuya Jonell, "Lasing yung mga lalaki e."
Pagpasok ng tatay ko sa sasakyan para umuwi na, hindi ko napigilang itanong bakit niya inako.
"Militar silang lahat."
Naintindihan ko na. Kahit alam kong nasa tama ang tatay ko, hindi ko maiwasang mainis. Nasaan ang sense of justice sa bansang ito?
Huli kong balita, dinala na ng tatay ko ang Liteace upang ipaayos. Sinimulan nang gawin ang mga sira mula sa pagkakabangga. Humirit ang mga militar na may pupuntahan daw silang napakaimportanteng pagtitipon kaya kung maari ay ipaayos na rin ang ilan pang bagay sa Liteace. Hindi pa rin umangal ang tatay ko.
Pinipilit kong huwag ayawan ng tuluyan ang mga militar sa personal na dahilan pero hindi ko talaga magawa. Napakapulpol ng sistema, napakapulpol ng mga taong ito. Nakakainis.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
sabi ng subtitle ng Kdrama: how to do?
I just realized I have been eating more than I usually would. Although I do not fill myself up, I don't think I was that sort of hungry everytime I look for food.
I have a perfectly good idea how much money I would be spending just to put up our thesis so I definitely know that I have to control the money going in and out of my hands. But I can't help it.
As far as I can remember, the last time I felt this was about two years ago, when I felt the only way to ease my depresssion was to spend money on something which happened to be that Backstreet Boys concert in Manila.
Depression. Could it be?
It must have been that Wednesday when things were about to change. The day had opened with new possibilities, things I never imagined to come upon me. The day had provided me with enough answers to the why's of the people around me as another had also opened the door for what may be the realization of a childhood dream. Given the great things upon me, why would I still be depressed?
Probably my body had absorbed the implications of that Wednesday morning even if my mind was not yet able to comprehend. It was until that Friday morning that I truly realized what that Wednesday morning would allow and forbid me to do.
How I wish I could say it now.
I guess to forever hold my peace would actually kill me. But saying it out loud would also kill me, or someone else just the same. I've never felt so torn in my life.
I have a perfectly good idea how much money I would be spending just to put up our thesis so I definitely know that I have to control the money going in and out of my hands. But I can't help it.
As far as I can remember, the last time I felt this was about two years ago, when I felt the only way to ease my depresssion was to spend money on something which happened to be that Backstreet Boys concert in Manila.
Depression. Could it be?
It must have been that Wednesday when things were about to change. The day had opened with new possibilities, things I never imagined to come upon me. The day had provided me with enough answers to the why's of the people around me as another had also opened the door for what may be the realization of a childhood dream. Given the great things upon me, why would I still be depressed?
Probably my body had absorbed the implications of that Wednesday morning even if my mind was not yet able to comprehend. It was until that Friday morning that I truly realized what that Wednesday morning would allow and forbid me to do.
How I wish I could say it now.
I guess to forever hold my peace would actually kill me. But saying it out loud would also kill me, or someone else just the same. I've never felt so torn in my life.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
this should go in the family history book
I was walking up the stairs of CMC. In front of me were two orgmates. Prof. Chua and Sir Teodoro were talking as they were in the middle of the staircase. The three of us never bothered to greet the professors such that they seemed busy talking and that we were not at all that chummy as a person.
I was walking the second set of stairs when Sir's hand signaled me to a stop.
"Oh, here's my relative, Martha."
Quite surprised and needing more time to absorb the situation, I simply smiled. As they seem to move to another topic of conversation, I left.
My hands were cold. This is the first time I actually heard him refer to me as a relative. The last time we talked, he still couldn't remember who my dad was.
hehe. I still can't get over what has happened.
I was walking the second set of stairs when Sir's hand signaled me to a stop.
"Oh, here's my relative, Martha."
Quite surprised and needing more time to absorb the situation, I simply smiled. As they seem to move to another topic of conversation, I left.
My hands were cold. This is the first time I actually heard him refer to me as a relative. The last time we talked, he still couldn't remember who my dad was.
hehe. I still can't get over what has happened.
Bagong style?
Naglalakad ako sa may Lagoon pabalik ng CMC upang makipagkita sa isang kaibigan. May isang bata, mukhang nasa 12 hanggang 14 na taong gulang, na lumapit sa akin upang bentahan ako ng mga panali sa buhok.
"Ate, bili na po kayo."
"Hindi na. May ginagamit pa ako." Patuloy pa rin ako sa paglakad at nanatiling diretso ang aking paningin.
"Ate, pano po ba nabubuntis ang isang babae?"
"Hindi ka ba pumapasok sa school?"
"Pumapasok po."
"Sa paaralan mo na lang itanong iyan."
"Assignment po kasi namin siya."
"Hindi kasi ako science major e. Hindi ko maipapaliwanag ng maigi."
"Bakit ate, hindi mo ba alam?"
"Hindi ako science major. Sa iba ka na lang magtanong." At saka tumawid ng kalye.
Waw. Ako pa ang tinanong. Ano 'to? Bagong style ng pangbibigla para pabilihin ka? Ayokong mang-discriminate sa totoo lang. Naniniwala ako sa mga karapatan ng mga bata pero talagang hindi ko gets.
"Ate, bili na po kayo."
"Hindi na. May ginagamit pa ako." Patuloy pa rin ako sa paglakad at nanatiling diretso ang aking paningin.
"Ate, pano po ba nabubuntis ang isang babae?"
"Hindi ka ba pumapasok sa school?"
"Pumapasok po."
"Sa paaralan mo na lang itanong iyan."
"Assignment po kasi namin siya."
"Hindi kasi ako science major e. Hindi ko maipapaliwanag ng maigi."
"Bakit ate, hindi mo ba alam?"
"Hindi ako science major. Sa iba ka na lang magtanong." At saka tumawid ng kalye.
Waw. Ako pa ang tinanong. Ano 'to? Bagong style ng pangbibigla para pabilihin ka? Ayokong mang-discriminate sa totoo lang. Naniniwala ako sa mga karapatan ng mga bata pero talagang hindi ko gets.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
strike two. been hit. again.
For the second time. I received another personal message last week through Multiply.
It was not at all different from the one I received last October, as if it were copied and pasted. It had the same thought, only paraphrased.
It came from a not-so-easily defined person named Raven, someone from Houston, Texas.
When I thought that this scenario is over such that I have made the necessary changes when it comes to my gender preference, no more please. No more.
It was not at all different from the one I received last October, as if it were copied and pasted. It had the same thought, only paraphrased.
It came from a not-so-easily defined person named Raven, someone from Houston, Texas.
When I thought that this scenario is over such that I have made the necessary changes when it comes to my gender preference, no more please. No more.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
meeting an old friend
I met with an old friend this evening at Galleria. Although we have been in constant contact these past few days, this was the first time we two meet after two years.
-------
A few days ago, I kind of reminisce my days while I was still in UST. Having to mention only six people, I was able to miss out a few more people who made my stay worthwhile.
During the first semester of that year, I was forced to take up volleyball for my PE class. Between swimming and volleyball then, I knew I had better chances of passing.
Our professor asked us to group ourselves with seven members each. These groups will serve as our teams when we need to do a little competition in class to test our skills in volleyball. The competition never took place.
I remember we were seven seated in one of the bleachers beside the court. Given the convenience of the situation, we easily agreed to form ourselves a group.
Cathy was the only person I knew in that PE class. I met her while we were in line waiting for the head of the Office of Student Affairs to sign our scholarship forms. A Communication Arts major, she is one of the brightest people I knew.
She was able to befriend one of our groupmates, a Biochemistry major, such that they would usually arrive earlier in class than anyone else. His name derived from the great philosopher, Aries is mostly a silent type of person and another of those brightest people I know.
He had a friend from highschool, an Information Technology major and one of our groupmates still, Dinno. Maybe not as silent as Aries but quite unnoticeable still, Dinno had plans of shifting to Commerce such that IT seems to drag him.
Given that these two are guys, they didn't seem to have problems passing the practical exams, except for that balancing the ball on the wrist. On the otherhand, Cathy and I are no sports fan, which only meant that we had to struggle through every exam in class, from balancing to serving and even tossing.
I remember Aries handing me a ball at a time in preparation to serve. I would try talking to it, hoping that the ball would listen to my plea and make itself cross the net. Dinno would try teasing so as to trigger more force when hitting the ball. The same scenario applies to Cathy.
-------
Cathy is now doing some advertising work for SM Mall. Aries took the board exam for Chemistry this September and passed on his first take. Dinno was not able to shift out of IT, and working in a sort of advertising company the name I can't remember, doing webdesign and other computer-based work.
And here I am, still a student procrastinating the work things that is needed to be done with our thesis. It must be this escapist mode that I agreed meeting with Dinno this evening.
As I discover it, categorically speaking, he is the second guy I know who is not enrolled or doing any work that is media or politics related that can talk about politics with keen interest. To my surprise, he was as much interested as I am. I guess I must have taken him into one of those sorts of stereotype.
-------
A few days ago, I kind of reminisce my days while I was still in UST. Having to mention only six people, I was able to miss out a few more people who made my stay worthwhile.
During the first semester of that year, I was forced to take up volleyball for my PE class. Between swimming and volleyball then, I knew I had better chances of passing.
Our professor asked us to group ourselves with seven members each. These groups will serve as our teams when we need to do a little competition in class to test our skills in volleyball. The competition never took place.
I remember we were seven seated in one of the bleachers beside the court. Given the convenience of the situation, we easily agreed to form ourselves a group.
Cathy was the only person I knew in that PE class. I met her while we were in line waiting for the head of the Office of Student Affairs to sign our scholarship forms. A Communication Arts major, she is one of the brightest people I knew.
She was able to befriend one of our groupmates, a Biochemistry major, such that they would usually arrive earlier in class than anyone else. His name derived from the great philosopher, Aries is mostly a silent type of person and another of those brightest people I know.
He had a friend from highschool, an Information Technology major and one of our groupmates still, Dinno. Maybe not as silent as Aries but quite unnoticeable still, Dinno had plans of shifting to Commerce such that IT seems to drag him.
Given that these two are guys, they didn't seem to have problems passing the practical exams, except for that balancing the ball on the wrist. On the otherhand, Cathy and I are no sports fan, which only meant that we had to struggle through every exam in class, from balancing to serving and even tossing.
I remember Aries handing me a ball at a time in preparation to serve. I would try talking to it, hoping that the ball would listen to my plea and make itself cross the net. Dinno would try teasing so as to trigger more force when hitting the ball. The same scenario applies to Cathy.
-------
Cathy is now doing some advertising work for SM Mall. Aries took the board exam for Chemistry this September and passed on his first take. Dinno was not able to shift out of IT, and working in a sort of advertising company the name I can't remember, doing webdesign and other computer-based work.
And here I am, still a student procrastinating the work things that is needed to be done with our thesis. It must be this escapist mode that I agreed meeting with Dinno this evening.
As I discover it, categorically speaking, he is the second guy I know who is not enrolled or doing any work that is media or politics related that can talk about politics with keen interest. To my surprise, he was as much interested as I am. I guess I must have taken him into one of those sorts of stereotype.
Monday, November 12, 2007
The tragic life of Mariannet Amper, or why children commit suicide
By CLAIRE SY DELFIN
as posted in http://www.gmanews.tv/story/68149/The-tragic-life-of-Mariannet-Amper-or-why-children-commit-suicide
11/10/2007
She would have completed her elementary school, but the 12-year-old girl grew so dejected that she hanged herself, and her dreams of finishing school died with her.
Mariannet Amper’s suicide last week in Davao City hogged headlines and sparked off protest rallies against the government.
Poverty has been blamed on her decision to end her life.
Under her pillow was a letter she wrote addressed to television program, “Wish Ko Lang," which grants viewers’ wishes. On it, Mariannet wished for a new pair of shoes, a bag, a bicycle and better-paying jobs for her parents.
She also left a diary, narrating her family’s difficulties surviving a life penniless in a little hut that has neither electricity nor running water.
She also wrote that she had not attended school for a month for lack of transportation fare.
“I suspect she did it because of our situation," her father Isabelo, a carpenter, told reporters in the vernacular.
But psychiatrists disputes that poverty cannot be the only factor to push someone, especially a child, to commit suicide.
“It is unfair to simply look at suicide in that angle (poverty)," said psychiatrist Dr. Ma. Luz Casimiro-Querubin. After all, many poor Filipinos do not resort to killing themselves despite their hopeless condition. And there have been cases of children born to well-to-do families who have committed or attempted suicide.
Suicide is not an instant decision, she said. It is borne out of a suicidal tendency that the child develops within himself.
Suicidal tendency, in turn, is a psychosocial and multi-factorial behavior that is developed through time when the child faces long-standing problems within himself and in his immediate environment.
Soon, the child would manifest episodes of depression, hopelessness and low self-esteem.
Although poverty is a risk factor, it can hardly stand-alone. It is the lack or absence of support system that compounds the child’s problem, leading her to lose hope and meaning in life, and eventually commit suicide.
“The fact that Mariannet has six more siblings in a family with very limited resources indicates that some of them, including her, may be marginalized," Casimiro-Querubin says.
Hence, even if she was born to a rich family, but was wanting of proper attention from significant people around her, she is prone to develop suicidal tendencies.
Lack of data
Experts, however, find it difficult to conduct research on suicide for any age group in the country because the Philippines has no central registry for recording suicide and suicidal attempts. Data gathering is even made more difficult by religious and social biases.
The latest data available is from the World Health Organization, which was released in 1993. It says that suicide rates per hundred thousand population in the Philippines are 2.5 for males and 1.7 for females.
Casimiro-Querubin agrees that suicide is rare in the Philippines, but warns that it is happening and is increasing especially with the rising incidence of parents going abroad for employment, leaving behind children with distorted support system.
“It has a high psychosocial cost to children," she said.
Child psychiatrist Dr. Agnes Bueno said that in her practice, the youngest in her files of patients who attempted suicide seriously is an eight-year-old boy. A child below five years, she says, has no concept of death as permanent and meaningful. “Therefore, he is incapable of actualizing suicide although accident-proneness could be an equivalent in their age group," Bueno said.
She shares in her article entitled, “When a Child Wants to Die,’ published in Medical Observer magazine in April 2001 a background inventory of attempted suicide among her patients. Her inventory shows the following:
- Ten out of 10 belong to Class A economic status
- Nine out of 10 are Catholics
- Eight out of 10 are males
- Eight out of 10 are due to relationships (family and romance)
- Two out of 10 are due to clinical depression
- Two out of 10 are in an incestuous relationship with their fathers
- Ten out of 10 occurred in the home
- Ten out of 10 are students
- Five out of 10 are positive for family history of alcoholism
- Two out of 10 are positive for family history of suicide
- Three out of 10 have friends who also attempted suicide
She advises parents to immediately detect sudden changes in the child’s behavior as such are symptomatic of a suicidal tendency.
Changes in the child’s academic performance, mood swings and instances when a child hurts another child or takes away things that do not belong to him are signs that parents should watch out for. If any of these happens, parents must open their lines of communication to the child and be more sensitive with his needs.
Suicide is instinct
Lora (not her real name) recounts occasions during her childhood when she would pound her head on a concrete wall each time she would feel sad. At one time, she attempted to hang herself.
To her recollection, her suicidal tendency started when she was nine or 10 years old. And this has remained until today that she is already in her late 20s, is married and has a child.
“It’s instinct. Suicide is always an option whenever I feel depressed," she says. “It’s just right there waiting to happen."
Lora says it doesn’t even need a major setback for her to entertain thoughts on suicide. A simple spat with her husband, or getting scolded by her mother when she was a child is enough.
She considers her suicidal tendencies a dilemma, especially since she can’t even identify its source. All she remembers is that she hated her father when she was a child. She refuses to elaborate.
Taking responsibility
But in the case of Mariannet, the real reason for her suicide seems shoved away as the government has already taken responsibility for it.
“We take responsibility for everything. Because we are leaders of the government, we need to ensure that services are there," Health Secretary Francisco Duque III said.
President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo immediately ordered the Department of Education (DepEd) to fast track the expansion of the alternative distance-learning program that allows a child to study and finish schooling without having to go to a formal school.
This way, Mariannet could have continued schooling without having to worry over transportation fare.
DepEd Undersecretary Vilma Labrador has also instructed teachers to check on their students and conduct home visits after a child has gone absent for three days without prior notice.
Fight vs poverty
Even prior to Mariannet’s death, the President has ordered the Department of Budget and Management to release one billion pesos to fund hunger mitigation programs.
She has also told a business forum that her economic efforts have started to bear fruit. “The common people are now feeling the benefits of a growing economy."
This was instantly met with protests by left-wing organizations and anti-poverty groups, insisting that the economic growth fails to trickle down to the poor.
A recent Social Weather Stations survey shows that about nine million Filipino families regarded themselves as poor. Many of them also said that they experienced “severe hunger" in the last three months.
Psychiatrists, however, claimed that while there is a need to uplift the financial capacity of 87 million Filipinos, doing so cannot and will not guarantee an end to childhood suicide.
They remind Filipinos that the core of problems in children takes its roots, not in their economic status, but in their family system.
At the end of the day, it is back to basics – the family. - GMANews.TV
as posted in http://www.gmanews.tv/story/68149/The-tragic-life-of-Mariannet-Amper-or-why-children-commit-suicide
11/10/2007
She would have completed her elementary school, but the 12-year-old girl grew so dejected that she hanged herself, and her dreams of finishing school died with her.
Mariannet Amper’s suicide last week in Davao City hogged headlines and sparked off protest rallies against the government.
Poverty has been blamed on her decision to end her life.
Under her pillow was a letter she wrote addressed to television program, “Wish Ko Lang," which grants viewers’ wishes. On it, Mariannet wished for a new pair of shoes, a bag, a bicycle and better-paying jobs for her parents.
She also left a diary, narrating her family’s difficulties surviving a life penniless in a little hut that has neither electricity nor running water.
She also wrote that she had not attended school for a month for lack of transportation fare.
“I suspect she did it because of our situation," her father Isabelo, a carpenter, told reporters in the vernacular.
But psychiatrists disputes that poverty cannot be the only factor to push someone, especially a child, to commit suicide.
“It is unfair to simply look at suicide in that angle (poverty)," said psychiatrist Dr. Ma. Luz Casimiro-Querubin. After all, many poor Filipinos do not resort to killing themselves despite their hopeless condition. And there have been cases of children born to well-to-do families who have committed or attempted suicide.
Suicide is not an instant decision, she said. It is borne out of a suicidal tendency that the child develops within himself.
Suicidal tendency, in turn, is a psychosocial and multi-factorial behavior that is developed through time when the child faces long-standing problems within himself and in his immediate environment.
Soon, the child would manifest episodes of depression, hopelessness and low self-esteem.
Although poverty is a risk factor, it can hardly stand-alone. It is the lack or absence of support system that compounds the child’s problem, leading her to lose hope and meaning in life, and eventually commit suicide.
“The fact that Mariannet has six more siblings in a family with very limited resources indicates that some of them, including her, may be marginalized," Casimiro-Querubin says.
Hence, even if she was born to a rich family, but was wanting of proper attention from significant people around her, she is prone to develop suicidal tendencies.
Lack of data
Experts, however, find it difficult to conduct research on suicide for any age group in the country because the Philippines has no central registry for recording suicide and suicidal attempts. Data gathering is even made more difficult by religious and social biases.
The latest data available is from the World Health Organization, which was released in 1993. It says that suicide rates per hundred thousand population in the Philippines are 2.5 for males and 1.7 for females.
Casimiro-Querubin agrees that suicide is rare in the Philippines, but warns that it is happening and is increasing especially with the rising incidence of parents going abroad for employment, leaving behind children with distorted support system.
“It has a high psychosocial cost to children," she said.
Child psychiatrist Dr. Agnes Bueno said that in her practice, the youngest in her files of patients who attempted suicide seriously is an eight-year-old boy. A child below five years, she says, has no concept of death as permanent and meaningful. “Therefore, he is incapable of actualizing suicide although accident-proneness could be an equivalent in their age group," Bueno said.
She shares in her article entitled, “When a Child Wants to Die,’ published in Medical Observer magazine in April 2001 a background inventory of attempted suicide among her patients. Her inventory shows the following:
- Ten out of 10 belong to Class A economic status
- Nine out of 10 are Catholics
- Eight out of 10 are males
- Eight out of 10 are due to relationships (family and romance)
- Two out of 10 are due to clinical depression
- Two out of 10 are in an incestuous relationship with their fathers
- Ten out of 10 occurred in the home
- Ten out of 10 are students
- Five out of 10 are positive for family history of alcoholism
- Two out of 10 are positive for family history of suicide
- Three out of 10 have friends who also attempted suicide
She advises parents to immediately detect sudden changes in the child’s behavior as such are symptomatic of a suicidal tendency.
Changes in the child’s academic performance, mood swings and instances when a child hurts another child or takes away things that do not belong to him are signs that parents should watch out for. If any of these happens, parents must open their lines of communication to the child and be more sensitive with his needs.
Suicide is instinct
Lora (not her real name) recounts occasions during her childhood when she would pound her head on a concrete wall each time she would feel sad. At one time, she attempted to hang herself.
To her recollection, her suicidal tendency started when she was nine or 10 years old. And this has remained until today that she is already in her late 20s, is married and has a child.
“It’s instinct. Suicide is always an option whenever I feel depressed," she says. “It’s just right there waiting to happen."
Lora says it doesn’t even need a major setback for her to entertain thoughts on suicide. A simple spat with her husband, or getting scolded by her mother when she was a child is enough.
She considers her suicidal tendencies a dilemma, especially since she can’t even identify its source. All she remembers is that she hated her father when she was a child. She refuses to elaborate.
Taking responsibility
But in the case of Mariannet, the real reason for her suicide seems shoved away as the government has already taken responsibility for it.
“We take responsibility for everything. Because we are leaders of the government, we need to ensure that services are there," Health Secretary Francisco Duque III said.
President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo immediately ordered the Department of Education (DepEd) to fast track the expansion of the alternative distance-learning program that allows a child to study and finish schooling without having to go to a formal school.
This way, Mariannet could have continued schooling without having to worry over transportation fare.
DepEd Undersecretary Vilma Labrador has also instructed teachers to check on their students and conduct home visits after a child has gone absent for three days without prior notice.
Fight vs poverty
Even prior to Mariannet’s death, the President has ordered the Department of Budget and Management to release one billion pesos to fund hunger mitigation programs.
She has also told a business forum that her economic efforts have started to bear fruit. “The common people are now feeling the benefits of a growing economy."
This was instantly met with protests by left-wing organizations and anti-poverty groups, insisting that the economic growth fails to trickle down to the poor.
A recent Social Weather Stations survey shows that about nine million Filipino families regarded themselves as poor. Many of them also said that they experienced “severe hunger" in the last three months.
Psychiatrists, however, claimed that while there is a need to uplift the financial capacity of 87 million Filipinos, doing so cannot and will not guarantee an end to childhood suicide.
They remind Filipinos that the core of problems in children takes its roots, not in their economic status, but in their family system.
At the end of the day, it is back to basics – the family. - GMANews.TV
Saturday, November 10, 2007
“You look good together”
After my class, I walked back to College of Mass Communication (CMC) as requested by the chairperson. Since this is still enrolment period, the council members have to man the booth to collect the student fund.
By four in the afternoon, there were only two of us left at the booth. Another council member came from a distance and yelled, “You two look good together,” and kept repeating it for some time. She even went on suggesting the two of us do a song number during one of our events.
This has not been the first time actually. Two of my friends have been teasing me constantly of him. They think it might actually happen. "The more you hate, the more you love," as the cliche goes.
Please...
No. I do not like him definitely, even if it were not in its romantic sense. No, even if we were being friendly with each other, I don’t think we could even be the best of friends. No, I definitely do not hate him. I just don’t want any more trouble that I’d rather keep the distance. And no, I think I can find someone else who is definitely not involved in broadcasting.
Rest assured. I will not be singing in any of our events, nor will I ever perform with him.
In the first place, will anyone ever see me perform for a public audience? I doubt. In your dreams.
By four in the afternoon, there were only two of us left at the booth. Another council member came from a distance and yelled, “You two look good together,” and kept repeating it for some time. She even went on suggesting the two of us do a song number during one of our events.
This has not been the first time actually. Two of my friends have been teasing me constantly of him. They think it might actually happen. "The more you hate, the more you love," as the cliche goes.
Please...
No. I do not like him definitely, even if it were not in its romantic sense. No, even if we were being friendly with each other, I don’t think we could even be the best of friends. No, I definitely do not hate him. I just don’t want any more trouble that I’d rather keep the distance. And no, I think I can find someone else who is definitely not involved in broadcasting.
Rest assured. I will not be singing in any of our events, nor will I ever perform with him.
In the first place, will anyone ever see me perform for a public audience? I doubt. In your dreams.
Friday, November 9, 2007
ang bago kong tahanan
Ngayong semestre, tatlo sa anim kong klase ang manggagaling sa CEd. Unang beses itong mangyayari na mas marami ang mga klase ko sa ibang kolehiyo kaysa sa pinaggalingan ko.
Sa unang araw ng klase, tatlo sa apat kong propesor ang hindi dumating sa klase. Ibig sabihin nito, mas maraming oras ang naubos ko sa pagtambay sa kung saan-saang sulok ng CEd. At dahil hindi ko nga naman kolehiyo ito, medyo masagwa sa pakiramdam ang tumatambay kung saan lang, lalo na kapag walang kasama.
Iyan ang akala ko.
Sa pagtambay ko, marami akong nakasalubong na dati kong mga kaklase. Noong una'y iniisip kong hindi nila ako papansinin o kaya nama'y hindi ako nakikilala dahil hindi naman talaga ako nagpapapansin kapag nasa ibang kolehiyo ako, nagkamali ako. Sa dami ng nakasalubong ko, hindi ko naramdaman na nasa ibang lugar ako.
Paakyat ako sa ikatlong palapag nang tawagin ako ni Rey, ang partner ko sa report sa EDL121 (Language Test Development). Nagtaka siya nang makita ako sa CEd sa pagaakalang dapat nagtapos na ako sa pag-aaral.
Nakasalubong ko rin ang partner ko sa kabadingan na si Mhira. Muntik na niyang kunin ang isa kong subject kaya lamang may hinahabol siyang major na kapareho ng oras.
May ilan pa akong nakasalubong na kaklase ko dati sa EDSP 122 (Montessori and Other Approaches to Early Childhood Education). Kaklase ko rin si Ate Mai na dati kong kagrupo sa EDSP 122 (Creativity).
Ang kinakatakot ko talaga kapag nalayo ka sa iyong kolehiyo, parang alam mo sa pakiramdam na hindi ka dapat naroon. Pero, sa mga oras na nagpapalipas-oras ako, mukha nga yatang nakahanap ako ng ikalawang tahanan sa UP.
Sa unang araw ng klase, tatlo sa apat kong propesor ang hindi dumating sa klase. Ibig sabihin nito, mas maraming oras ang naubos ko sa pagtambay sa kung saan-saang sulok ng CEd. At dahil hindi ko nga naman kolehiyo ito, medyo masagwa sa pakiramdam ang tumatambay kung saan lang, lalo na kapag walang kasama.
Iyan ang akala ko.
Sa pagtambay ko, marami akong nakasalubong na dati kong mga kaklase. Noong una'y iniisip kong hindi nila ako papansinin o kaya nama'y hindi ako nakikilala dahil hindi naman talaga ako nagpapapansin kapag nasa ibang kolehiyo ako, nagkamali ako. Sa dami ng nakasalubong ko, hindi ko naramdaman na nasa ibang lugar ako.
Paakyat ako sa ikatlong palapag nang tawagin ako ni Rey, ang partner ko sa report sa EDL121 (Language Test Development). Nagtaka siya nang makita ako sa CEd sa pagaakalang dapat nagtapos na ako sa pag-aaral.
Nakasalubong ko rin ang partner ko sa kabadingan na si Mhira. Muntik na niyang kunin ang isa kong subject kaya lamang may hinahabol siyang major na kapareho ng oras.
May ilan pa akong nakasalubong na kaklase ko dati sa EDSP 122 (Montessori and Other Approaches to Early Childhood Education). Kaklase ko rin si Ate Mai na dati kong kagrupo sa EDSP 122 (Creativity).
Ang kinakatakot ko talaga kapag nalayo ka sa iyong kolehiyo, parang alam mo sa pakiramdam na hindi ka dapat naroon. Pero, sa mga oras na nagpapalipas-oras ako, mukha nga yatang nakahanap ako ng ikalawang tahanan sa UP.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
ilang alaala ng nakaraan
Apat na taon na rin ang nakakalipas nang ako’y lumipat ng eskwelahan. Naaalala ko pa noon kung gaano ko hindi ginusto ang aking ginawa. Kung hindi lang ako pinilit ng aking ama, masaya na akong makakapagtapos sa UST at maaaring may honors pa dahil sa aking scholarship.
Kung aalalahanin ko kung bakit nga baa yaw kong umalis ng UST, una kong naiisip sina Gia, Aji, Mai, Issai, Rikki at Christian, anim ba taong nagpasaya ng aking sandaling pamamalagi.
Una kong narinig ang pangalan ni Gia mula sa isang kaibigang nakasama ko sa isang convention noong ako’y nasa hayskul pa. May kabarkada daw si Paula na pumasok sa Journalism sa UST. Sa tatlong section ng first year, sinong magaakalang magiging kaklase ko pala ang Gia na tinutukoy ni Paula. Maganda, tahimik, at magaling na mag-aaral, ito palang si Gia ay may pagkabaliw din kapag ilan lang kayong magkakasama. Magkatapat lang kami ng subdivision na tinitirahan kaya sa loob ng isang taon, araw-araw kaming magkasabay pumasok, umuwi at gumala. Nasaksihan din niya ang mga kaguluhan ng buhay ko sa mga oras na iyon, at siya ang kasama ko nang ako’y mabundol ng isang pulang van sa may Ortigas Ave.
Malapit-lapit din ang tirahan ni Aji mula sa amin ni Gia kaya rin madalas namin siyang nakakasabay pauwi. Mahilig kumanta at magaling din sa pag-aaral, kay Aji ko lang narinig na ang kasaysayan, kapag hindi mo natatandaan, alalahanin na parang chismis sa showbiz. Ayaw mong pakinggan, ngunit dahil chismis sya, hindi mo mapipigilang maalala. Ilang beses na rin kaming na-link ni Aji. Minsan pa’y nagalit siya umano kay Rikki sa selos dahil nagiging malapit kaming magkaibigan ni Rikki at di umano’y niregaluhan daw ako ni Rikki ng stuff toy. Nakakatawa pa ring isipin kung saan nanggagaling ang ganitong mga usapin sa loob ng klase.
Si Mai naman ang aking makwentong kaibigan. Maraming nasasabi sa kung anu-anong bagay, si Mai ay isa sa iilang taong kilala ko na matindi kung sumuporta sa kaibigan. Nakakahiya lang isipin na hindi ko na naalala kung paano ba talaga kami naging malapit na magkaibigan ni Mai. Siguro dahil Tan ang apelyido na at magkasunod kami sa upuan.
Noong una kong nakilala si Gia, magkasama n asila ni Isasi. Sa alala ko, magkapareho sila ng oras ni Gia ng PE kaya sila nagkasabay. Velez ang kanyang apelyido, isang upuan ang agwat mulas a akin. Ngunit dahil madalas na wala ang taong nasa gitna namin, maraming beses na rin kaming nagkakatabi. SIya ang unang taong nakasaksi ng aking mga attention deficiency tendencies at tinawag niya itong last row syndrome, dahil tuwing nakaupo lang kami ako inaatake ng aking tendencies.
Mabait, gwapo, baliw ngunit tunay na kaibigan, si Rikki ang kaisa-isang kaklase ko sa PE at ka-block ko pa. Dahil na rin dito, nakikita kaming magkasama tuwing Huwebes na siyang naging usap-usapan sa klase. Matapos ng ilang taon, napagalamanan naming dalawa na malayo pala kaming magpinsan, siya sa ina, ako sa ama.
Isa lang ang masasabi ko kay Christian, tapat na kaibigan. Siya ang kauna-unahang taong nakilala ko sa UST. Nakatabi ko siya noong nag-entrance exam at nakasabay ko rin sa confirmation at enrollment. Isang Biology major na may planong mag-doktor, si Chris ay isang performer na may kahinaan sa tagalog kaya nama’y naging unang unofficial student ko sa Filipino. Madalas kong nakakasama sa pananghalian, si Chris ang naging takbuhan ko sa lahat ng naging problema ko ng mga oras na iyon, mula sa mga chismis, pamilya, simbahan, pagkakaibigan at kahit pa buhay pag-ibig. Ilang beses na rin kaming nagpag-isipan dahil sa madalas ko siyang katext kapag walang kaming propesor.
Naaalala ko noong kinailangan namin nila Gia mag-report para sa klase naming sa Panitikang Pilipino. Hindi kami magaling umarte, ayaw rin naman naming magsalita na lang basta. Nagdala kami ng mga laruan (action figures, stuff toys, little soldiers) at ginamit naming puppet upang ikwento ang akda.
Naalala ko ang mga pagkakataong nakaupo kami ni Gia sa Colayco Park upang mag-dub kunwari sa mga taong nasa paligid namin, tulad na lamang ng nasa commercial ng Piatos. Ipinangako namin sa aming mga sarili na bago mag-graduation, pupunta kami sa isang spa.
Dalawa lang ang buhay ko sa UST, pag-aaral at kaibigan. Nakatutok ako sa pag-angat ng sarili, siguro dahil iyon ang dinidikta ng paligid ko, siguro dahil masyadong malakas ang kumpetisyon.
Gayonpaman, masaya naman talaga ako noong ako'y nasa UST at hindi ko na pinangarap pang umalis. Taon din ang binilang ko upang tuluyan ko nang matanggap na nasa ibang lugar na ako at iba na ang buhay naming magkakaibigan.
Napakaibang tao ko talaga noon. Napaka-materyaloso, elitista at hilig makibagay.
Kung hindi naman ako lumipat, hindi ko makikita ang buhay ng tao sa ibang perspektibo, sa isang pananaw na ang buhay ay para sa serbisyo sa kapwa. Paano ka magsisilbi sa ibang tao kung uunahin mo ang iyong sarili. Naging masakit nga sa akin ng umalis ako, pero kung titingnan ko din kung paano ako binago ng UP na gamitin hindi sa pangsariling kapakanan ang mga natutunan, hindi ko rin naman ito ipagpapalit.
Kung aalalahanin ko kung bakit nga baa yaw kong umalis ng UST, una kong naiisip sina Gia, Aji, Mai, Issai, Rikki at Christian, anim ba taong nagpasaya ng aking sandaling pamamalagi.
Una kong narinig ang pangalan ni Gia mula sa isang kaibigang nakasama ko sa isang convention noong ako’y nasa hayskul pa. May kabarkada daw si Paula na pumasok sa Journalism sa UST. Sa tatlong section ng first year, sinong magaakalang magiging kaklase ko pala ang Gia na tinutukoy ni Paula. Maganda, tahimik, at magaling na mag-aaral, ito palang si Gia ay may pagkabaliw din kapag ilan lang kayong magkakasama. Magkatapat lang kami ng subdivision na tinitirahan kaya sa loob ng isang taon, araw-araw kaming magkasabay pumasok, umuwi at gumala. Nasaksihan din niya ang mga kaguluhan ng buhay ko sa mga oras na iyon, at siya ang kasama ko nang ako’y mabundol ng isang pulang van sa may Ortigas Ave.
Malapit-lapit din ang tirahan ni Aji mula sa amin ni Gia kaya rin madalas namin siyang nakakasabay pauwi. Mahilig kumanta at magaling din sa pag-aaral, kay Aji ko lang narinig na ang kasaysayan, kapag hindi mo natatandaan, alalahanin na parang chismis sa showbiz. Ayaw mong pakinggan, ngunit dahil chismis sya, hindi mo mapipigilang maalala. Ilang beses na rin kaming na-link ni Aji. Minsan pa’y nagalit siya umano kay Rikki sa selos dahil nagiging malapit kaming magkaibigan ni Rikki at di umano’y niregaluhan daw ako ni Rikki ng stuff toy. Nakakatawa pa ring isipin kung saan nanggagaling ang ganitong mga usapin sa loob ng klase.
Si Mai naman ang aking makwentong kaibigan. Maraming nasasabi sa kung anu-anong bagay, si Mai ay isa sa iilang taong kilala ko na matindi kung sumuporta sa kaibigan. Nakakahiya lang isipin na hindi ko na naalala kung paano ba talaga kami naging malapit na magkaibigan ni Mai. Siguro dahil Tan ang apelyido na at magkasunod kami sa upuan.
Noong una kong nakilala si Gia, magkasama n asila ni Isasi. Sa alala ko, magkapareho sila ng oras ni Gia ng PE kaya sila nagkasabay. Velez ang kanyang apelyido, isang upuan ang agwat mulas a akin. Ngunit dahil madalas na wala ang taong nasa gitna namin, maraming beses na rin kaming nagkakatabi. SIya ang unang taong nakasaksi ng aking mga attention deficiency tendencies at tinawag niya itong last row syndrome, dahil tuwing nakaupo lang kami ako inaatake ng aking tendencies.
Mabait, gwapo, baliw ngunit tunay na kaibigan, si Rikki ang kaisa-isang kaklase ko sa PE at ka-block ko pa. Dahil na rin dito, nakikita kaming magkasama tuwing Huwebes na siyang naging usap-usapan sa klase. Matapos ng ilang taon, napagalamanan naming dalawa na malayo pala kaming magpinsan, siya sa ina, ako sa ama.
Isa lang ang masasabi ko kay Christian, tapat na kaibigan. Siya ang kauna-unahang taong nakilala ko sa UST. Nakatabi ko siya noong nag-entrance exam at nakasabay ko rin sa confirmation at enrollment. Isang Biology major na may planong mag-doktor, si Chris ay isang performer na may kahinaan sa tagalog kaya nama’y naging unang unofficial student ko sa Filipino. Madalas kong nakakasama sa pananghalian, si Chris ang naging takbuhan ko sa lahat ng naging problema ko ng mga oras na iyon, mula sa mga chismis, pamilya, simbahan, pagkakaibigan at kahit pa buhay pag-ibig. Ilang beses na rin kaming nagpag-isipan dahil sa madalas ko siyang katext kapag walang kaming propesor.
Naaalala ko noong kinailangan namin nila Gia mag-report para sa klase naming sa Panitikang Pilipino. Hindi kami magaling umarte, ayaw rin naman naming magsalita na lang basta. Nagdala kami ng mga laruan (action figures, stuff toys, little soldiers) at ginamit naming puppet upang ikwento ang akda.
Naalala ko ang mga pagkakataong nakaupo kami ni Gia sa Colayco Park upang mag-dub kunwari sa mga taong nasa paligid namin, tulad na lamang ng nasa commercial ng Piatos. Ipinangako namin sa aming mga sarili na bago mag-graduation, pupunta kami sa isang spa.
Dalawa lang ang buhay ko sa UST, pag-aaral at kaibigan. Nakatutok ako sa pag-angat ng sarili, siguro dahil iyon ang dinidikta ng paligid ko, siguro dahil masyadong malakas ang kumpetisyon.
Gayonpaman, masaya naman talaga ako noong ako'y nasa UST at hindi ko na pinangarap pang umalis. Taon din ang binilang ko upang tuluyan ko nang matanggap na nasa ibang lugar na ako at iba na ang buhay naming magkakaibigan.
Napakaibang tao ko talaga noon. Napaka-materyaloso, elitista at hilig makibagay.
Kung hindi naman ako lumipat, hindi ko makikita ang buhay ng tao sa ibang perspektibo, sa isang pananaw na ang buhay ay para sa serbisyo sa kapwa. Paano ka magsisilbi sa ibang tao kung uunahin mo ang iyong sarili. Naging masakit nga sa akin ng umalis ako, pero kung titingnan ko din kung paano ako binago ng UP na gamitin hindi sa pangsariling kapakanan ang mga natutunan, hindi ko rin naman ito ipagpapalit.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
extrajudicial killings in The Interpreter
My dad bought a 12-in-one DVD from Divisoria yesterday. When he had intended to have bought a Charlie Chaplin collection, the DVD ended up to be a Nicole Kidman collection. One of Kidman's movies included in the disk was The Interpreter (2005).
In the movie, Dr. Edmond Zuwanie is the president of the Republic of Matobo, a fictional country in Africa. Ruling for more than 20 years, Dr. Zuwanie had allegedly killed hundreds of citizen and revolutionaries to maintain power. He planned an assasination plot to justify the killings.
Silvia Broome, played by Nicole Kidman, is an interpreter for the United Nations. A citizen of Matobo whose family actively participate in the arm struggle and were killed as ordered by Dr. Zuwanie, she too, once a revolutionary and left to work for UN believing that there are peaceful means to achieve the same cause. She overhears the plot to kill the hated dictator and tells US security. When her brother gets killed, she takes on arms once more in attempt to kill the dictator herself.
The last few scenes in the movie shows Dr. Zuwanie in a sort of safe room with Broome and Tobin Keller, a federal agent played by Sean Penn. Keller begs Broome not to kill Dr. Zhumie such that evidence exist of the dictator's ill actions and that he will surely be tried for his ill actions. True enough, in the end Dr. Zuwanie gets tried by the United Nations for the death of hundreds of citizen.
So the United Nations can get itself involved? And a leader can really be tried for extrajudicial killings? Or I'm just being too hopeful in getting justice to all these inhumanity happening to the revolutionaries, reformists and innocent citizens of this country?
But then, even if this movie truly proposes a possible resolution to the extrajudicial killings, should I even bother to be hopeful when the United Nations is still in fact United States with small voices around him. When the Philippine president is known to have good ties with international leaders specifically the US president, will the idea even have a chance. Keeping in mind that US does not recognize the idea of state terrorism that leaders may actually be the ones inciting terror in order to stay in power, that through this present president, resources in the Philippines have been, are, and will be exploited by foreign investors that will benefit their own development, is there still space for a hopeful change in the system?
Silvia Broome, from revolutionary, chose to be a reformist but still saw the need for arm struggle. Should this administration wait until reformists lose hope and join the revolution to bring change to this country? Anyway, as the cliche goes, the president is the biggest recruiter of NPA.
Idealism dictates that societal change can be achieved and unless this idealism will cease to exist, neither extrajudicial killings nor a balikatan exercise will ever stop people's attempts for change. I hope the president realizes that.
In the movie, Dr. Edmond Zuwanie is the president of the Republic of Matobo, a fictional country in Africa. Ruling for more than 20 years, Dr. Zuwanie had allegedly killed hundreds of citizen and revolutionaries to maintain power. He planned an assasination plot to justify the killings.
Silvia Broome, played by Nicole Kidman, is an interpreter for the United Nations. A citizen of Matobo whose family actively participate in the arm struggle and were killed as ordered by Dr. Zuwanie, she too, once a revolutionary and left to work for UN believing that there are peaceful means to achieve the same cause. She overhears the plot to kill the hated dictator and tells US security. When her brother gets killed, she takes on arms once more in attempt to kill the dictator herself.
The last few scenes in the movie shows Dr. Zuwanie in a sort of safe room with Broome and Tobin Keller, a federal agent played by Sean Penn. Keller begs Broome not to kill Dr. Zhumie such that evidence exist of the dictator's ill actions and that he will surely be tried for his ill actions. True enough, in the end Dr. Zuwanie gets tried by the United Nations for the death of hundreds of citizen.
“The gunfire around us makes it hard to hear; but the human voice is different from other sounds. It can be heard over noises that bury everything else, even when it’s not shouting, even when it’s just a whisper. Even the lowest whisper can be heard over armies when it’s telling the truth.”
So the United Nations can get itself involved? And a leader can really be tried for extrajudicial killings? Or I'm just being too hopeful in getting justice to all these inhumanity happening to the revolutionaries, reformists and innocent citizens of this country?
But then, even if this movie truly proposes a possible resolution to the extrajudicial killings, should I even bother to be hopeful when the United Nations is still in fact United States with small voices around him. When the Philippine president is known to have good ties with international leaders specifically the US president, will the idea even have a chance. Keeping in mind that US does not recognize the idea of state terrorism that leaders may actually be the ones inciting terror in order to stay in power, that through this present president, resources in the Philippines have been, are, and will be exploited by foreign investors that will benefit their own development, is there still space for a hopeful change in the system?
Silvia Broome, from revolutionary, chose to be a reformist but still saw the need for arm struggle. Should this administration wait until reformists lose hope and join the revolution to bring change to this country? Anyway, as the cliche goes, the president is the biggest recruiter of NPA.
Idealism dictates that societal change can be achieved and unless this idealism will cease to exist, neither extrajudicial killings nor a balikatan exercise will ever stop people's attempts for change. I hope the president realizes that.
Monday, October 29, 2007
political calling on the 29th
I am suppose to be in Los Banos for more than a week. If I really value my service to the students more than I do for my parents, I would have persisted. Apparently, despite this sense of value, a part of me still want to respond to that call and it grows every tick of the second.
KASAMA sa UP National Congress was scheduled last week, 24 October to 28 October while the General Assembly of Student Councils (GASC) from 29 October to 30, 2007. The only reason I was not allowed to go is because of a birthday celebration on the 29th. It is but a tradition that all family members be present on a birthdate. However, out of the five birthdays, I had not been home for at least once and I knew I just had to make up for it.
At the same time, the 29th is also the start of the semestral break for the primary and secondary levels. My parents had been planning for an out-of-town trip with some of the youth from the church. Surely, I wouldn't want to miss that.
But then, GASC is a very important assembly. Terry Ridon's term as the Student Regent (SR) is about to end. The GASC will be the avenue for the voting of the new SR. Ridon's beginning effort to call for a policy review of the Tuition and Other Fees Increase (TOFI) must still be pursued and if the person elected in such a position took a pro stand on this issue, all efforts will be turned to dust. Surely that cannot be allowed!
And yet, here I am, on the 29th of October, at home and quite alone for some time. My parents went to Divisoria. My brother played basketball with his friends for the whole day. My sister went to the dentist and eventually decided to hang out at the church. If this wasn't the only available time I have to meet with my former bible study leader for a few hours, I wouldn't have gone out of the house in the first place.
The owner of the estate the church was buying had to move his meeting with my dad from this morning to Wednesday morning. That meant the out-of-town trip will not come to reality since my dad have other appointments on Friday.
I should have been in Los Banos in the first place, even if I was to spend 'my' day tough on members of other political parties and it would have been worthwhile still.
KASAMA sa UP National Congress was scheduled last week, 24 October to 28 October while the General Assembly of Student Councils (GASC) from 29 October to 30, 2007. The only reason I was not allowed to go is because of a birthday celebration on the 29th. It is but a tradition that all family members be present on a birthdate. However, out of the five birthdays, I had not been home for at least once and I knew I just had to make up for it.
At the same time, the 29th is also the start of the semestral break for the primary and secondary levels. My parents had been planning for an out-of-town trip with some of the youth from the church. Surely, I wouldn't want to miss that.
But then, GASC is a very important assembly. Terry Ridon's term as the Student Regent (SR) is about to end. The GASC will be the avenue for the voting of the new SR. Ridon's beginning effort to call for a policy review of the Tuition and Other Fees Increase (TOFI) must still be pursued and if the person elected in such a position took a pro stand on this issue, all efforts will be turned to dust. Surely that cannot be allowed!
And yet, here I am, on the 29th of October, at home and quite alone for some time. My parents went to Divisoria. My brother played basketball with his friends for the whole day. My sister went to the dentist and eventually decided to hang out at the church. If this wasn't the only available time I have to meet with my former bible study leader for a few hours, I wouldn't have gone out of the house in the first place.
The owner of the estate the church was buying had to move his meeting with my dad from this morning to Wednesday morning. That meant the out-of-town trip will not come to reality since my dad have other appointments on Friday.
I should have been in Los Banos in the first place, even if I was to spend 'my' day tough on members of other political parties and it would have been worthwhile still.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
I've been hit. crap.
I must have fallen in love with Multiply, I almost forgot to maintain this Blogger account.
Not until yesterday.
I was updating my multiply site as usual when I received a personal message. To my shock, it was from girl named Aimee from Millington, Tennessee. She mentioned how she ventured through my multiply site and that she liked what she saw. She was hoping if I could connect with her through a certain site, like a chat i think, and she'll be waiting for a response from me. "I think we should probably be friends, cause you seem pretty cool... you know what they say.. looks captures the eyes, but personality wins over the heart."
Hold it right there! Is this girl hitting on me? In the first place, why would any girl try to hit on me??? I don't think I've ever given any clue that I'm interested in such a relationship.
Desi unintentionally hovered over my icon in Multiply and discovered that for some reason, the gender preference that was indicated there was women.
Crap. I really mean it this time, crap. No, it was not at all intentional but ok, I have to admit, I was never a genius in websites and I'm still trying to learn. How stupid could I be to actually miss that out? Crap.
Anyway, I never bothered to respond. However, I did make the necessary changes with regard to my gender preference. Discovering that two unknown ladies have been constantly checking out my site (the other calls herself Daisy and is from Riverside, California), I'm expecting to hate Multiply for quite some time.
And no, this is definitely not funny. (kaya tat, wag ka na :D paramdam ka na friend)
Not until yesterday.
I was updating my multiply site as usual when I received a personal message. To my shock, it was from girl named Aimee from Millington, Tennessee. She mentioned how she ventured through my multiply site and that she liked what she saw. She was hoping if I could connect with her through a certain site, like a chat i think, and she'll be waiting for a response from me. "I think we should probably be friends, cause you seem pretty cool... you know what they say.. looks captures the eyes, but personality wins over the heart."
Hold it right there! Is this girl hitting on me? In the first place, why would any girl try to hit on me??? I don't think I've ever given any clue that I'm interested in such a relationship.
Desi unintentionally hovered over my icon in Multiply and discovered that for some reason, the gender preference that was indicated there was women.
Crap. I really mean it this time, crap. No, it was not at all intentional but ok, I have to admit, I was never a genius in websites and I'm still trying to learn. How stupid could I be to actually miss that out? Crap.
Anyway, I never bothered to respond. However, I did make the necessary changes with regard to my gender preference. Discovering that two unknown ladies have been constantly checking out my site (the other calls herself Daisy and is from Riverside, California), I'm expecting to hate Multiply for quite some time.
And no, this is definitely not funny. (kaya tat, wag ka na :D paramdam ka na friend)
Thursday, October 18, 2007
jay
This is Jay, a six year old kid from Bagong Silang, a slum area two blocks away from our house. The youngest of a family with six siblings, Jay is one of the students of the Church's free preschool. (I know. Ethics says I shouldn't be publishing pictures of children, but I really can't help it. I just simply adore this kid!)This morning, I tagged along with my mom to the preschool.
I was sitted on one of the child-size chairs. Jay suddenly started climbing my back, jumping as if I was so tall that he couldn't reach my shoulders.
"Ate, ate, laro tayo," he kept saying as he was hanging from my shoulders. I stood up saying, "Hala." He kept jumping and reaching for my shoulders. I tried 'seemingly' running away from him, but he kept on grabbing my hand so that I couldn't get away.
At one time, as he was hanging from my shoulders, I held him tight, teasing him that I will be flushing him in the toilet. He kept breaking free, but still tried to jump and grab me.
In my head, I wasn't really playing with him. Quite amazing actually as he thought I was and he was actually enjoying whatever chasing we were doing.
When his mom came to fetch him, he grabbed my hand and said goodbye.
Thursday, October 4, 2007
ode to sir velasco
The professor in my film102 class suddenly decided to change the film to be viewed in class today. Instead of Macarthur, he chose the local film Sabel. He gave quite a few justifications for such a change and I did not quite bother to listen. However, the next few lines somehow struck me.
"My friend would have liked it, Professor Jovenal Velasco."
Sir Velasco was my professor in my film104 class, a course on film genres. He was a big man, always seemingly smiling, a leg quite weak that he walks with a cane. He said he was a member of Philippine Educational Theater Association (PETA), before he had a stroke. He used to teach acting, he proudly said in our class, and I actually felt quite frustrated as I see how restricted his movements were when we would see hints of his passion for teaching film.
I didn't like him at first. He was often demanding and I hated how he would simultaneously call students for recitation. I hated the tension as I often intentionally neglect reading his required readings because of my other academic load. As it turns out, most of his questions requires only practical answers.
I also remember how I commented how much I enjoy watching films except horror during the first meeting. The same day, I was assigned in a group that was tasked to report on horror and science fiction. Since the group were to be divided into two, I demanded that my partner and I be assigned for the science fiction instead. It was enough compromise for him and for my other group mates.
Unlike my film12 class, bulk of the class discussion focused on the ideologies of each genre, how theses ideologies change over time. Though conventions in terms of cinematography and themes exist, he greatly emphasize the importance of these ideologies in the making of the films.
I also often get bored in class since the reporting started.
However, as I was doing my part in the report, as I was watching all the films, I inherently started to appreciate film genres, most especially science fiction. I endured watching the gory movie Alien, the amusing Close Encounter of the Third Kind, even to that point that I bothered watching the 1901 film Les Voyage Dans La Lune though it was not required. Indeed, Sir Velasco had achieved what may be his greatest goal for me, to learn to appreciate science fiction movies, more so genre films.
I remember him commending my ability to argue and justify the words used and contents of our report. It must be the change in classroom, he often follows, promising never to hold classes in the basement area the next time he teaches another subject.
For my final paper, I was tasked to do a research on how the television series Encantadia depicts social criticism. For this paper, I was privileged enough to be able to interview the head writer, Suzette Doctolero, who not only gave me inside stories on the creation of the series but also toured me in the editing rooms and studios as her new series Lupin was to be on its first week.
I ended the semester proud of myself for taking up the class and having him as a professor. It was one of the best classes I ever had.
As it turns out, he will never be having a class in the basement area.
About a month ago, I received a text message from one of the film representatives informing me of the UPFI professor who died on a Saturday morning. Sir Velasco never woke up on the morning of September 1, 2007.
"My friend would have liked it, Professor Jovenal Velasco."
Sir Velasco was my professor in my film104 class, a course on film genres. He was a big man, always seemingly smiling, a leg quite weak that he walks with a cane. He said he was a member of Philippine Educational Theater Association (PETA), before he had a stroke. He used to teach acting, he proudly said in our class, and I actually felt quite frustrated as I see how restricted his movements were when we would see hints of his passion for teaching film.
I didn't like him at first. He was often demanding and I hated how he would simultaneously call students for recitation. I hated the tension as I often intentionally neglect reading his required readings because of my other academic load. As it turns out, most of his questions requires only practical answers.
I also remember how I commented how much I enjoy watching films except horror during the first meeting. The same day, I was assigned in a group that was tasked to report on horror and science fiction. Since the group were to be divided into two, I demanded that my partner and I be assigned for the science fiction instead. It was enough compromise for him and for my other group mates.
Unlike my film12 class, bulk of the class discussion focused on the ideologies of each genre, how theses ideologies change over time. Though conventions in terms of cinematography and themes exist, he greatly emphasize the importance of these ideologies in the making of the films.
I also often get bored in class since the reporting started.
However, as I was doing my part in the report, as I was watching all the films, I inherently started to appreciate film genres, most especially science fiction. I endured watching the gory movie Alien, the amusing Close Encounter of the Third Kind, even to that point that I bothered watching the 1901 film Les Voyage Dans La Lune though it was not required. Indeed, Sir Velasco had achieved what may be his greatest goal for me, to learn to appreciate science fiction movies, more so genre films.
I remember him commending my ability to argue and justify the words used and contents of our report. It must be the change in classroom, he often follows, promising never to hold classes in the basement area the next time he teaches another subject.
For my final paper, I was tasked to do a research on how the television series Encantadia depicts social criticism. For this paper, I was privileged enough to be able to interview the head writer, Suzette Doctolero, who not only gave me inside stories on the creation of the series but also toured me in the editing rooms and studios as her new series Lupin was to be on its first week.
I ended the semester proud of myself for taking up the class and having him as a professor. It was one of the best classes I ever had.
As it turns out, he will never be having a class in the basement area.
About a month ago, I received a text message from one of the film representatives informing me of the UPFI professor who died on a Saturday morning. Sir Velasco never woke up on the morning of September 1, 2007.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
side comments in a show
In one of Desperate Housewives episode, Teri Hatcher comments on the Filipino nursing schools:
"Can i just check on their diplomas? I just want to make sure that they're not from some med schools in the Philippines "
Is this not the feudalist culture? That such people within an important institution in the society feel powerful and superior enough to comment on cases where societies of lesser economic power can be degraded especially when these societies rely on human power to make their economy stable. And to make such comment, a joke or a criticism, may in effect destroy what may be a source of living for thousands of Filipinos, and the very credibility Filipino nurses and doctors are most famous for, hospitable and caring as part of their cultural upbringing.
Freedom of expression is never absolute. a sense of responsibility must come into place, that one does not step on the rights and dignity of another. The power of the media must be directed towards an informed public, to which the people will be equipped with enough information to make their own stands and act accordingly. an insensitive comment only drives people towards a wrong direction.
it's called ethics my friend.
"Can i just check on their diplomas? I just want to make sure that they're not from some med schools in the Philippines "
Is this not the feudalist culture? That such people within an important institution in the society feel powerful and superior enough to comment on cases where societies of lesser economic power can be degraded especially when these societies rely on human power to make their economy stable. And to make such comment, a joke or a criticism, may in effect destroy what may be a source of living for thousands of Filipinos, and the very credibility Filipino nurses and doctors are most famous for, hospitable and caring as part of their cultural upbringing.
Freedom of expression is never absolute. a sense of responsibility must come into place, that one does not step on the rights and dignity of another. The power of the media must be directed towards an informed public, to which the people will be equipped with enough information to make their own stands and act accordingly. an insensitive comment only drives people towards a wrong direction.
it's called ethics my friend.
Monday, September 24, 2007
kailangan ko lang humirit sa huli kong post.
medyo scary pala siya. hindi dahil "i hear voices" and all that. hehe. naisip ko lang bigla ang Evan Almighty and all those other religious things, na sa oras na diretso kang nakakarinig mula sa Diyos, mas malaki hinihingi Niya sa'yo.
kamusta naman ang mga voices na naririnig ko. hindi ako natatakot sa kanila. natatakot ako sa mga susunod na mangyayari.
hehe.
kung sa bagay, sino ba naman ang engot na humingi ng close encounter kay God? Isang close encounter na hindi nalalayo tulad ng naipakita sa ending ng Evan Almighty, kung saan inanyayahan ni God si Evan na sayawin ang isang walang kwentang sayaw pero alam Niya na tunay na ikaliligaya ni Evan, ang sayaw na nagpapakita ng pagkakaroon ng parehong trip ni God at ni Evan, na ang Diyos ay hindi nalalayo sa tao. Tulad ng nasa palabas, bago ang ganito kasayang encounter, ilang araw ng pagpapahirap, pagsasakripsyo ng dangal at mga bagay na importante sa kanya.
Sino nga ba ang engot para humingi ng ganito?hehe. ako. say hi to my religious side : )
hearing voices...
this sunday seemed to be like any usual sunday. I would do my dad's powerpoint in the morning, check the dancers' outfit and make up for the day, and take charge of the slide show for the songs to be sung during praise and worship.
as the people were singing and my mind was somehow drifting off somewhere, i started to hear a very beautiful voice singing. she was doing a second voice on a very high-pitched melody that made the song even more beautiful to my ears.
I tried to look for the person singing. As I hear it, it came from my right side, which happens to be the stage and the speakers whose sounds all heads toward me. I looked at the back-up singers, Jhing, Ate Rona and Ate Beth. Knowing them, not one of them could sing such high pitch melody. However, Jhing was trained to do second voice but she wasn't singing at that time.
Should this sound scary, I think not. In the first place, I was in church.
I tried shrudding off the idea, thinking that this might only be a product of my imagination. But the voice gets louder. As the instruments were getting louder and the singers already worshipping in tongues, I could hear the same voice louder, singing again in higher octaves, the song sounding as if in tribal tongues doing a second voice.
This was not the first time I heard voices in church. A few weeks ago, I was hearing a voice of child singing the same song, full of happiness.
That same afternoon, getting quite excited of the idea, I was once more in church for the youth services. We were singing worship songs. I felt like my right ear suddenly stopped hearing the sounds I hear from my left ear. If I were to hear the same sounds, it's as if everything that comes in my right ear was only in the background music and for a few seconds, I once more heard the same voice I heard that morning.
I may be right, I may be wrong. But it didn't matter really because I knew the situation felt different and I knew God was coming closer to me than He had been before.
I may be quite sure of this, but I think I just heard angels singing.
as the people were singing and my mind was somehow drifting off somewhere, i started to hear a very beautiful voice singing. she was doing a second voice on a very high-pitched melody that made the song even more beautiful to my ears.
I tried to look for the person singing. As I hear it, it came from my right side, which happens to be the stage and the speakers whose sounds all heads toward me. I looked at the back-up singers, Jhing, Ate Rona and Ate Beth. Knowing them, not one of them could sing such high pitch melody. However, Jhing was trained to do second voice but she wasn't singing at that time.
Should this sound scary, I think not. In the first place, I was in church.
I tried shrudding off the idea, thinking that this might only be a product of my imagination. But the voice gets louder. As the instruments were getting louder and the singers already worshipping in tongues, I could hear the same voice louder, singing again in higher octaves, the song sounding as if in tribal tongues doing a second voice.
This was not the first time I heard voices in church. A few weeks ago, I was hearing a voice of child singing the same song, full of happiness.
That same afternoon, getting quite excited of the idea, I was once more in church for the youth services. We were singing worship songs. I felt like my right ear suddenly stopped hearing the sounds I hear from my left ear. If I were to hear the same sounds, it's as if everything that comes in my right ear was only in the background music and for a few seconds, I once more heard the same voice I heard that morning.
I may be right, I may be wrong. But it didn't matter really because I knew the situation felt different and I knew God was coming closer to me than He had been before.
I may be quite sure of this, but I think I just heard angels singing.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
accident prone kuya
naiwan akong kasama si kuya jonell ngayon hapon. kinailangan kasing sunduin ng tatay ko ang bunso kong kapatid. nagkataon din may mga kailangan ayusin sa pajero, kaya iniwan na lamang ni tatay kay kuya ang gawain iyon.nanatili akong nasa loob ng bahay at nag-ayos ng kakainin at sinimulan na ni kuya ang pagpapalit ng gulong ng van.
maya-maya, nakarinig ako ng malakas na ugong, na parang bumaksak ang van mula sa pagkakaangat nito. nang sumilip ako, tama nga ang pakiwari kong bumagsak ang kotse sa pagkakaangat nito gawa ng pagkadaplis ng jack. sa kasamaang palad, naipit ang mga daliri ng kanyang dalawang kamay.
"yung jack! ayusin mo yung jack!"
ahehe. sori ha. kahit may konti naman akong alam sa mga jack, di pa rin talaga ako marunong, bilang taon na rin ang nabibilang nung huli aong pahawakin ng ganyan. isa pa, yung diamond form na klase ng jack yung gamit nila. lalong hindi ko kilala yan.
"magtawag ka na. mapuputol na ata mga daliri ko e. "
syempre, takot ko na lang na may mangyari na namang kung ano kay kuya jonell. tumakbo ako sa may kanto, nangharang ng mga tricycle drivers. mabilis na tumakbo ang dalawang drivers papunta sa bahay namin at inangat ang pajero upang matanggal ni kuya ang kanyang mga daliri.
grabe na lang mag bonding moments namin ni kuya, nahihiwa ng kutsilyo, kukulangin ng dugo, bigla na lang nawawalabn ng malay, nauuntog. wala na lang akong masasabi. manhid na ata ako sa mga ganitong sitwasyon kaya kalmado na lang ako forever.
pero in fairness, buti na lang may mga tricycle drivers na mabilis na tumulong. hindi ko rin alam ang gagawin kung wala akong inabutan sa kanta nyan. alangan namang ako magbuhat ng pajero? gudlak na lang...
Thursday, September 6, 2007
keynote interview vs focus interview
In my thesis proposal class, we were discussing the difference between a keynote interview and a focus interview.
The difference lies in the representation. If a person interviewed happens to represent a certain group to therefore say that his points are of the group, the interview is a focus interview. If the person speaks of his personal opinion, the interview is a keynote interview.
Since the class doesn't seem to be totally convinced, Sir gave an example, the effects of the no id no entry system in CMC. Say we were to interview "him", what kind of interview would it be?
"focus interview. because he represents the students and the student council"
"keynote interview. because what he says are personal points of view."
Then, there was the debate. I couldn't help but smile.
With him, it's a whole different situation. He says he represents the students but raises his own points of view. What was even more interesting is that my classmates were quite aware of such a case.
The difference lies in the representation. If a person interviewed happens to represent a certain group to therefore say that his points are of the group, the interview is a focus interview. If the person speaks of his personal opinion, the interview is a keynote interview.
Since the class doesn't seem to be totally convinced, Sir gave an example, the effects of the no id no entry system in CMC. Say we were to interview "him", what kind of interview would it be?
"focus interview. because he represents the students and the student council"
"keynote interview. because what he says are personal points of view."
Then, there was the debate. I couldn't help but smile.
With him, it's a whole different situation. He says he represents the students but raises his own points of view. What was even more interesting is that my classmates were quite aware of such a case.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
sense of ownership
we were having our council GA. we've been laughing for quite some time becuase of "his" crazy ideas for the RIPADA and Cris Mendez campaign. the chairperson and vice-chairperson of the College of Music Student Council came and greeted him.
"Hey, this is my council."
we all looked at each other and bursted into laughter.
"Your council?"
"Since when did we become your council?"
** funny as it may sound, grabe na lang ang sense of ownership sa council. i knew it. it's all about him and not the students.
"Hey, this is my council."
we all looked at each other and bursted into laughter.
"Your council?"
"Since when did we become your council?"
** funny as it may sound, grabe na lang ang sense of ownership sa council. i knew it. it's all about him and not the students.
batch interview
kung tutuusin, hindi naman talaga ako nagtataray sa mga ganitong interviews. ni hindi ko nga kayang panindigan ang ganoong klaseng pamamaraan. pero alam ko sa sarili ko na kung walang ibang gagawa, kung walang ibang maggigiit nang ganoong klaseng kahigpitan, ako na lang ang gagawa. kung sa bagay, dahil ko rin naman talaga kayang magsungit hanggang sa dulo, sa tingin ko kapani-paniwala naman akong hindi talaga ako ganon.
nakakabigla lang ang mga nangyari kagabi.
nung una pa lamang, medyo nagaalangan na kami nila weng sa mga aplikante ngayong semestre, dahil stand up sila. hindi naman sa ayaw ko sa kanila. naniniwala lang ako na kahit pareho sa prinsipyo ang dalawa, malaki pa rin ang pagkakaiba ng ujp at ng stand up lalo na kung paguusapan ang mga kaparaanan. kung papasok sila sa isang academic org, ano kayang magiging implikasyon nito?
pero sige, mahal ko ang stand up. hayaan na natin sila.
mula sa sampung aplikante, apat na lamang silang humarap sa amin para sa batch interview, at dalawa sa kanila ay stand up.
sa totoo lang, nakakatamad ang interview kagabi. tanungin mo ng preamble, hindi kabisado. tanungin mo ng constitution, ni hindi nabasa. tingnan mo ang sigsheet, kulang-kulang. tanungin mo ng prinsipyo at ideyolohiya ng org, beauty pageant answers ang binibigay. hello! aplikante kayo??? di nga???
natural lang na mainis kami di ba, pero sige, sigaw sigaw lang ng kaunti. wala namang personal na atake.
aba, pagkatapos ng lahat, nasabihan pa kami na ang mismong pagsigaw-sigaw namin sa kanila ay isa nang pagkilala san pyudal na sistema. ito ay balikwas sa aming laban sa pyudal na sistemang nananaig sa lipunan.
a, hello? mass org kami??? hindi di ba. wala naman kaming sinabing mass org kami e.
kung pyudal na sistema lang ang ating pag-uusapan, di ba sa umpisa pa lang, dapat wala nang application process dahil ito mismo ay nagpapatong ng kapangyarihan sa mga miyembro higit sa aplikante.
sori ha. academic org pa rin kasi kami, may political stands lang. hindi ibig sabihin no'n kelangan na namin bitawan ang mga natutunan namin sa peryodismo.
ayoko man sanang mainis sa pagmamahal ko na lang sa stand up, pero nakikita ko na lang ang sarili ko na lumalayo ang loob ko sa kanila.
nakakabigla lang ang mga nangyari kagabi.
nung una pa lamang, medyo nagaalangan na kami nila weng sa mga aplikante ngayong semestre, dahil stand up sila. hindi naman sa ayaw ko sa kanila. naniniwala lang ako na kahit pareho sa prinsipyo ang dalawa, malaki pa rin ang pagkakaiba ng ujp at ng stand up lalo na kung paguusapan ang mga kaparaanan. kung papasok sila sa isang academic org, ano kayang magiging implikasyon nito?
pero sige, mahal ko ang stand up. hayaan na natin sila.
mula sa sampung aplikante, apat na lamang silang humarap sa amin para sa batch interview, at dalawa sa kanila ay stand up.
sa totoo lang, nakakatamad ang interview kagabi. tanungin mo ng preamble, hindi kabisado. tanungin mo ng constitution, ni hindi nabasa. tingnan mo ang sigsheet, kulang-kulang. tanungin mo ng prinsipyo at ideyolohiya ng org, beauty pageant answers ang binibigay. hello! aplikante kayo??? di nga???
natural lang na mainis kami di ba, pero sige, sigaw sigaw lang ng kaunti. wala namang personal na atake.
aba, pagkatapos ng lahat, nasabihan pa kami na ang mismong pagsigaw-sigaw namin sa kanila ay isa nang pagkilala san pyudal na sistema. ito ay balikwas sa aming laban sa pyudal na sistemang nananaig sa lipunan.
a, hello? mass org kami??? hindi di ba. wala naman kaming sinabing mass org kami e.
kung pyudal na sistema lang ang ating pag-uusapan, di ba sa umpisa pa lang, dapat wala nang application process dahil ito mismo ay nagpapatong ng kapangyarihan sa mga miyembro higit sa aplikante.
sori ha. academic org pa rin kasi kami, may political stands lang. hindi ibig sabihin no'n kelangan na namin bitawan ang mga natutunan namin sa peryodismo.
ayoko man sanang mainis sa pagmamahal ko na lang sa stand up, pero nakikita ko na lang ang sarili ko na lumalayo ang loob ko sa kanila.
ACLE
I must say, this is the most tiring, emotionally disturbing day in my whole life. and for the first time, i am actually feeling tired of ranting and whining.
Classes were suspended this afternoon to make way for the Alternative Classroom Learning Experience (ACLE). One of my orgs, Union of Journalists of the Philippines - UP Diliman, chose to show one of Howie Severino's documentaries titled "Huling Hala Bira" which talked about a squatters' area literally located under train rails that crosses over Pasig River. We also had the chance to actually have Howie Severino for a mini-forum after the viewing.
With Howie Severino coming, everybody seemed to be focused too much on his coming, nobody cared about the event itself.
One. The younger members had problems looking for an LCD projector saying that all the projectors in the Journalism Department are already taken and reserved for someone else. It's actually impossible, with the Department having three projectors. Weng and I couldn't take that answer. When Weng talked to Ate Raquel, we were able to get one without any effort.
And, god, projector set-up. Nobody knew how to do it.
Two. No registration sheets. Someone forgot to print one and so they had to resort to blank pink papers manually writing the details needed, which by the way will be given to the University Student Council. You're kidding me on this one, right? I went to the Department, asked if I can type and print a page for the org.
Three. Since Jam had to leave and pick up Howie at GMA, everybody was just waiting for her. The event was to start at 1pm, but it was until 1:45pm when a talk on the UP situation started. Why? Nobody felt the urge to act or at least be concerned of the people inside the room waiting for something to happen.
And so I had to ask, do we have any instructions? No. So what do we do? Wait for them? We don't know. What do we have in our program? We don't have any program. Ah, ok. That's nice.
We had to think of something. Since Jem had been planning on a UP Situation discussion, fine, have her start. Apparently she needed some visual aids when she didn't have one. We had to look for someone who had a copy of that specific powerpoint. After ten years, funny, we didn't find the one we needed but rather an older version.
Four. Token for Howie. A recycled box filled with mamon. Not that I hate mamon, or I have some issues against being thrifty, but seriously, I will never give such gifts even to student speakers. Please, a little sense of decency here. What we give him will reflect the org's name. Mamon doesn't set a good impression. Sorry.
We volunteered to buy the token as originally planned however, MJ decided that she be the one to go. We gave Howie a bottle of wine. Hapi.
So ok. The ACLE was rather good. We even had music majors as audience, which is quite interesting actually. What I didn't like about the discussion actually was that we all found Howie playing the safe take on media, that he doesn't have any advocacy since it connotes propaganda, that the audience are intelligent enough to interpret and elicit their own forms of actions, and that he didn't answer when asked of his struggles while doing the documentary (pertaining to government restrictions or a bigger issue than just a simple housing and relocation).
Five. When Howie left, everybody left. Only three of us decided to clean the room, arrange the chairs, return the projector to the Department.
I'm sorry but I have to say it but by event organizing standards, this ACLE flops.
Classes were suspended this afternoon to make way for the Alternative Classroom Learning Experience (ACLE). One of my orgs, Union of Journalists of the Philippines - UP Diliman, chose to show one of Howie Severino's documentaries titled "Huling Hala Bira" which talked about a squatters' area literally located under train rails that crosses over Pasig River. We also had the chance to actually have Howie Severino for a mini-forum after the viewing.
With Howie Severino coming, everybody seemed to be focused too much on his coming, nobody cared about the event itself.
One. The younger members had problems looking for an LCD projector saying that all the projectors in the Journalism Department are already taken and reserved for someone else. It's actually impossible, with the Department having three projectors. Weng and I couldn't take that answer. When Weng talked to Ate Raquel, we were able to get one without any effort.
And, god, projector set-up. Nobody knew how to do it.
Two. No registration sheets. Someone forgot to print one and so they had to resort to blank pink papers manually writing the details needed, which by the way will be given to the University Student Council. You're kidding me on this one, right? I went to the Department, asked if I can type and print a page for the org.
Three. Since Jam had to leave and pick up Howie at GMA, everybody was just waiting for her. The event was to start at 1pm, but it was until 1:45pm when a talk on the UP situation started. Why? Nobody felt the urge to act or at least be concerned of the people inside the room waiting for something to happen.
And so I had to ask, do we have any instructions? No. So what do we do? Wait for them? We don't know. What do we have in our program? We don't have any program. Ah, ok. That's nice.
We had to think of something. Since Jem had been planning on a UP Situation discussion, fine, have her start. Apparently she needed some visual aids when she didn't have one. We had to look for someone who had a copy of that specific powerpoint. After ten years, funny, we didn't find the one we needed but rather an older version.
Four. Token for Howie. A recycled box filled with mamon. Not that I hate mamon, or I have some issues against being thrifty, but seriously, I will never give such gifts even to student speakers. Please, a little sense of decency here. What we give him will reflect the org's name. Mamon doesn't set a good impression. Sorry.
We volunteered to buy the token as originally planned however, MJ decided that she be the one to go. We gave Howie a bottle of wine. Hapi.
So ok. The ACLE was rather good. We even had music majors as audience, which is quite interesting actually. What I didn't like about the discussion actually was that we all found Howie playing the safe take on media, that he doesn't have any advocacy since it connotes propaganda, that the audience are intelligent enough to interpret and elicit their own forms of actions, and that he didn't answer when asked of his struggles while doing the documentary (pertaining to government restrictions or a bigger issue than just a simple housing and relocation).
Five. When Howie left, everybody left. Only three of us decided to clean the room, arrange the chairs, return the projector to the Department.
I'm sorry but I have to say it but by event organizing standards, this ACLE flops.
Friday, August 17, 2007
that gag show
Bubble Gang has once more proven to be a critical gag show as it attempted to criticize the Gloria Administration when it impersonated a joint session of the Congress, this time to the tune of Itaktak Mo.
According to the joke, GMA was to hear out the congressmen and department secretaries' ideas for priority subjects. Since everyone seem to want to be heard for the sake of hearing, she decided to have a game show instead, much like Eat Bulaga's Itaktak Mo, Tatakbo, to determine whose project will be given priority.
questions as well as answers are as follows:
1) Anong "G" ang namamahala sa ating bansa?
contestant's answer: graft and corruption
correct answer: Gloria
2) Anong "B" ang ginagawa ng mga congressman?
contestant's answer: basura
correct answer: bill. electric bill, water bill, etc.
3) Anong "G" ang nagbabantay ng balota pag eleksyon?
correct answer: gwardya
4) Anong ibig sabihin ng "B" sa BIR?
contestant's answer: binubulsa
correct answer: binabangko
And they say television shows reflect audience interests and sentiments.
According to the joke, GMA was to hear out the congressmen and department secretaries' ideas for priority subjects. Since everyone seem to want to be heard for the sake of hearing, she decided to have a game show instead, much like Eat Bulaga's Itaktak Mo, Tatakbo, to determine whose project will be given priority.
questions as well as answers are as follows:
1) Anong "G" ang namamahala sa ating bansa?
contestant's answer: graft and corruption
correct answer: Gloria
2) Anong "B" ang ginagawa ng mga congressman?
contestant's answer: basura
correct answer: bill. electric bill, water bill, etc.
3) Anong "G" ang nagbabantay ng balota pag eleksyon?
correct answer: gwardya
4) Anong ibig sabihin ng "B" sa BIR?
contestant's answer: binubulsa
correct answer: binabangko
And they say television shows reflect audience interests and sentiments.
Friday, August 10, 2007
an accident
Part of the requirements for my EDSP122 class is to observe three Montessori schools and one non-Montessori school to assess its method on early childhood education.
This afternoon, Mhira and I went to Mayfield Montessori Academy in UP Village. After an hour observing children, we took a red tricycle to bring us back to Philcoa.
On the way...
Another tricycle was in front of us. It drove almost near the sidewalk to let the passenger down. When our tricycle driver saw this, he moved a bit towards the middle so that we can pass. However, in just a few seconds, the other tricycle was moving again and thus, we were almost side by side each other.
As this was happening, a van attempted to overtake the two tricycles by crossing the other lane. However, another car was coming towards the van and so, to save itself, it hit the tricycle where we were in, dragged us slightly forward that we hit the other tricycle and slided until the two tricycles hit the sidewalk and both came into a stop.
The driver from the van stepped down, checked if there was any damage on his car, looked straight at the tricycle driver and left. Other tricycle drivers came and asked what happened. One wrote down the plate number, while another hurriedly followed the van. The tricycle driver was still in the state of shock.
"Kuya, dito na lang po kami. Habulin nyo na lang po yung van," we kept telling the tricycle driver but he insisted to take us where he was suppose to.
Mhira felt a little pain in her right arm; I on my left leg since we hit both sides of the tricycle when the van and the other tricycle hit us. When we got off, much to our surprise, his hands and leg were wounded. The driver had blood on his left hand.
"Ok lang ako," the driver told us.
As we were walking away the tricycle terminal, we realized if it weren't for the other tricycle that we hit, we would have gone off the road and much damage would have happened.
This afternoon, Mhira and I went to Mayfield Montessori Academy in UP Village. After an hour observing children, we took a red tricycle to bring us back to Philcoa.
On the way...
Another tricycle was in front of us. It drove almost near the sidewalk to let the passenger down. When our tricycle driver saw this, he moved a bit towards the middle so that we can pass. However, in just a few seconds, the other tricycle was moving again and thus, we were almost side by side each other.
As this was happening, a van attempted to overtake the two tricycles by crossing the other lane. However, another car was coming towards the van and so, to save itself, it hit the tricycle where we were in, dragged us slightly forward that we hit the other tricycle and slided until the two tricycles hit the sidewalk and both came into a stop.
The driver from the van stepped down, checked if there was any damage on his car, looked straight at the tricycle driver and left. Other tricycle drivers came and asked what happened. One wrote down the plate number, while another hurriedly followed the van. The tricycle driver was still in the state of shock.
"Kuya, dito na lang po kami. Habulin nyo na lang po yung van," we kept telling the tricycle driver but he insisted to take us where he was suppose to.
Mhira felt a little pain in her right arm; I on my left leg since we hit both sides of the tricycle when the van and the other tricycle hit us. When we got off, much to our surprise, his hands and leg were wounded. The driver had blood on his left hand.
"Ok lang ako," the driver told us.
As we were walking away the tricycle terminal, we realized if it weren't for the other tricycle that we hit, we would have gone off the road and much damage would have happened.
Monday, August 6, 2007
a culture of indifference
This afternoon, I happen to read a blogpost by a journalism student. This certain post talked about the current state of the Philippine Collegian (Kule). He narrated that when he was asked by the publisher of the Philippine Daily Inquirer how the Kule was, his first reaction was to say that the publication is "too progressive".
"Critical of the nation's leader[s]", he criticizes the Kule for failing to give "updates on what's happening in school". Moreover, he posits that being the official publication of the university, it only represents a "small percentage of the entire UP community". He goes on further to the conclusion that the editors of three years ago are definitely a lot better, as they had at least showed "hint[s] of decency".
He ends his post by saying that "sometimes we are too immersed with ideals that we fail to see what is real" and that it is "no wonder not many journalism students are interested to join the Collegian".
Dismay is an understatement of what I felt after I had read the post.
For one thing, the Journalism Department itself teaches the students to be critical of the nation's leaders, of the policies they make, and the current situation of the country for one mere reason, it is a responsibility of journalists to the public. In simple terms, communication theories call it "watchdogs". To ask for updates, pardon me for saying, is very high school. There's a big difference between the two.
However, given that argument, I believe the Kule never failed to give updates on the current situation of the college, as it even publishes the statements of the students councils on the issues that the university is facing. It has not failed to air the eviction of tambayans in CMC. What this student might be looking for is the UP administration's side, something the Kule has attempted but the admin completely ignores.
To question idealism is to question the very principles that is taught in our department. It is this idealism that has developed ethical and news standards. It is this idealism that graduates aim for the best, for a change in the system as they see the reality in our society. It is this idealism that has taught students to look beyond the fame, the money and work on the very essence of journalism itself, a public service, a responsibility to the citizens of this nation. To question idealism is to entertain a culture of indifference, a shame in this profession.
In an interview, my uncle said, "If I had known that Journalism would be defined such as it is today, I wouldn't have entered Journalism in the first place."
At first, I didn't quite understand why he was able to say such things, as if he has lost hope of the future generation of journalists.
After reading a post written by his former students, I hate to admit that he might be right after all.
* not so convincing noh? ako rin, nahihirapan sabihin. abangan kung bakit *
"Critical of the nation's leader[s]", he criticizes the Kule for failing to give "updates on what's happening in school". Moreover, he posits that being the official publication of the university, it only represents a "small percentage of the entire UP community". He goes on further to the conclusion that the editors of three years ago are definitely a lot better, as they had at least showed "hint[s] of decency".
He ends his post by saying that "sometimes we are too immersed with ideals that we fail to see what is real" and that it is "no wonder not many journalism students are interested to join the Collegian".
Dismay is an understatement of what I felt after I had read the post.
For one thing, the Journalism Department itself teaches the students to be critical of the nation's leaders, of the policies they make, and the current situation of the country for one mere reason, it is a responsibility of journalists to the public. In simple terms, communication theories call it "watchdogs". To ask for updates, pardon me for saying, is very high school. There's a big difference between the two.
However, given that argument, I believe the Kule never failed to give updates on the current situation of the college, as it even publishes the statements of the students councils on the issues that the university is facing. It has not failed to air the eviction of tambayans in CMC. What this student might be looking for is the UP administration's side, something the Kule has attempted but the admin completely ignores.
To question idealism is to question the very principles that is taught in our department. It is this idealism that has developed ethical and news standards. It is this idealism that graduates aim for the best, for a change in the system as they see the reality in our society. It is this idealism that has taught students to look beyond the fame, the money and work on the very essence of journalism itself, a public service, a responsibility to the citizens of this nation. To question idealism is to entertain a culture of indifference, a shame in this profession.
In an interview, my uncle said, "If I had known that Journalism would be defined such as it is today, I wouldn't have entered Journalism in the first place."
At first, I didn't quite understand why he was able to say such things, as if he has lost hope of the future generation of journalists.
After reading a post written by his former students, I hate to admit that he might be right after all.
* not so convincing noh? ako rin, nahihirapan sabihin. abangan kung bakit *
Saturday, August 4, 2007
y! speak on HSA
I was suppose to go with my org mates in this special edition of Y!Speak which aims to talk about the Human Security Act (HSA) of 2007. However, since I couldn't come, I watched it on television instead.
What makes this particular episode interesting is that it actually had the chair of the Anti Terror Council as one of the panelists, and god, was he grilled to his bones! However, he remained as confident and certain as he could be.
"The Bill of Rights is not absolute."
I tend to quite agree on that, I'd have to admit. However, the statement should not be taken as it is. One may argue that the HSA is just one of the many laws to safeguard such rights but in context to the HSA, it becomes more than that. Taking into account the extrajudicial killings, of every indivdual reported to be abducted by some men, with the military denying their involvement yet always justifying that this individual is a member of the New People's Army, this law is a parody and a safeguard to those seated in power.
"'mere suspicion', walang ganoong nakasulat." He also mentions that it is the USA Patriot Act of 2001 from which the HSA was actually patterned that mentions "if it appears to be intended" and can therefore be interpreted as MERE SUSPICION. The HSA never mentions nor implied such things.
Section 17 of the HSA states that "Any organization, association, or group of persons organized for the purpose of engaging in terrorism, or which, although not organized for that purpose, actually uses the acts to terrorize mentioned in this Act or to sow or create a condition of widespread and extraordinary fear and panic among the populace in order to coerce the government to give in to an unlawful demand..."
Truly, the HSA does not directly says such things but it is the section's vagueness which makes this law questionable.
Terrorism in its given definition is quite vague. Who qualifies a group is a terrorist group? If, by working on the phrase, "create a condition of widespread and extraordinary fear and panic among the populace", the adminstration itself is liable for the extrajudicial killings and may also be qualified as an act of terrorism. However, by mentioning "in order to coerce the government to give in to an unlawful demand", it hides the government from any responsibility to the lives of those critical of the administration.
Because of its vagueness, it leaves too much interpretations. And by Philippine experience, vagueness of the law has been used as a form of abuse to those in power.
The greatest fault in our judicial system is that anyone can interpret the law and unless the public causes turmoil on the peculiarity of such interpretations, no action will be seen from the judicial department.
"The HSA is a criminal law and therefore applies to all."
Sure it does. Since it already leaves out some responsibility from the administration, I do not think we would have problems in line with that.
The adminstration can justify as much as they want. I, along with other students, can argue as much. But as Atom Araullo ends the show, "[HSA] posits too much questions rather than answers." The law is not made to pose questions but to answer the needs and interests, not of other government's, but of its own people. Take note of the difference.
What makes this particular episode interesting is that it actually had the chair of the Anti Terror Council as one of the panelists, and god, was he grilled to his bones! However, he remained as confident and certain as he could be.
"The Bill of Rights is not absolute."
I tend to quite agree on that, I'd have to admit. However, the statement should not be taken as it is. One may argue that the HSA is just one of the many laws to safeguard such rights but in context to the HSA, it becomes more than that. Taking into account the extrajudicial killings, of every indivdual reported to be abducted by some men, with the military denying their involvement yet always justifying that this individual is a member of the New People's Army, this law is a parody and a safeguard to those seated in power.
"'mere suspicion', walang ganoong nakasulat." He also mentions that it is the USA Patriot Act of 2001 from which the HSA was actually patterned that mentions "if it appears to be intended" and can therefore be interpreted as MERE SUSPICION. The HSA never mentions nor implied such things.
Section 17 of the HSA states that "Any organization, association, or group of persons organized for the purpose of engaging in terrorism, or which, although not organized for that purpose, actually uses the acts to terrorize mentioned in this Act or to sow or create a condition of widespread and extraordinary fear and panic among the populace in order to coerce the government to give in to an unlawful demand..."
Truly, the HSA does not directly says such things but it is the section's vagueness which makes this law questionable.
Terrorism in its given definition is quite vague. Who qualifies a group is a terrorist group? If, by working on the phrase, "create a condition of widespread and extraordinary fear and panic among the populace", the adminstration itself is liable for the extrajudicial killings and may also be qualified as an act of terrorism. However, by mentioning "in order to coerce the government to give in to an unlawful demand", it hides the government from any responsibility to the lives of those critical of the administration.
Because of its vagueness, it leaves too much interpretations. And by Philippine experience, vagueness of the law has been used as a form of abuse to those in power.
The greatest fault in our judicial system is that anyone can interpret the law and unless the public causes turmoil on the peculiarity of such interpretations, no action will be seen from the judicial department.
"The HSA is a criminal law and therefore applies to all."
Sure it does. Since it already leaves out some responsibility from the administration, I do not think we would have problems in line with that.
The adminstration can justify as much as they want. I, along with other students, can argue as much. But as Atom Araullo ends the show, "[HSA] posits too much questions rather than answers." The law is not made to pose questions but to answer the needs and interests, not of other government's, but of its own people. Take note of the difference.
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